A Little Perspective

So this mama was having a big ol' pity party for herself the last couple of days. Well, it's time for that to be done. I have been stressing out over many things and as a result have been struggling in all of those areas. Right away I think about the negative and not the positive (one of my downfalls). For example, Jayden has really started to communicate lately. Not necessarily in the correct way, but she is trying so hard to tell me things (and to tell her sister things). My focus has been on how much fighting the girls have been doing and how hard it is for me to talk to anyone but Jayden. Instead, I should be thrilled that our little girl is trying to tell us what's going on. I have been stressing about little Melanie coming home soon. There is so much to get ready and I don't feel confident in myself to do all of her care yet. Instead, I should be thrilled and excited that she's coming home soon. There are so many mommys in the NICU that would LOVE to have their babies home right now no matter how much extra work it requires. I would love to be able to sit with my moms, sisters, and friends and be able to talk without interruptions. Instead of seeing those little girls as interruptions I need to be oh so thankful they are home, healthy, and able to interrupt. I feel like I'm failing as a wife, as a mom, and as a friend. However, if I keep telling myself I'm a failure, then it won't get better. No more pity party for this momma.

So what brought around this change one might ask????? PERSPECTIVE!! On the way home from the hospital this afternoon I heard there was a mother of 3 that was killed in a car accident today. WOW!! After hanging up the phone the tears fell like rain! How could I be so selfish and be complaining about my situation when there is a family that no longer has a wife, mom, daughter, and sister. My heart goes out that family. I have no idea what they are going through right now, but my prayers are with them. Perspective. When I'm feeling down, all I have to do is look around me and see all those that are hurting.

I heard this song on the radio while I was wiping my tears. Perfect timing! I wish I knew how to make it play on this webpage...sorry!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4AAALBo2DKs

Ecclesiastes 3
To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace....
He hath made every thing beautiful in his time: also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end.

Holding Melanie

Here is the video I've been trying to upload for over a week. I figured out it was too big. So I tried editing it...tried is the key word. At the end of the video I'm not sure what's going on with all the repeating but at least you'll be able to see Miya's first time holding her baby sister.


On another note...yesterday, Melanie nursed 14 ml (almost 1/2 of a feeding) for me, she drank a bottle for Jeff last night and a bottle for the nurse at her 3am feeding. This morning when Jeff went to see her, she was off from her nasal cannula. Yeah Melanie!

Merry Christmas from Melanie

Merry Christmas!!!! When I went to the hospital this morning Melanie had a couple very special Christmas presents for her family (and friends). She now weighs 3 lbs and almost 15 ounces. By Sunday we predict her to cross the 4 lb mark. Which means.... it's time for a big girl bed. They have begun the weaning process of dropping the temperature in her isolette a couple of degrees every so often. She is dressed in a full outfit (thanks Paige), swaddled in a blanket, and has a blanket on top of that. If she maintains her body temperature, they'll drop the bed temperature by a few degrees again until they can open the top of the bed. Her other Christmas present to us was she is now on a memory monitor, otherwise known as a take-home monitor. This monitor only has numbers. No graphs and colors. This is a step Melanie doesn't notice at all, but her parents sure do. The new heart monitor will be a big adjustment for us. I'm glad we'll have some time to get used to it before it comes home with us(maybe we can leave it there :) ).

I forgot the camera today. Jeff will try for some better pictures tonight when he goes for some Melanie time.

A taste of bitter sweet joy

Its been about a week since dad has written anything, so I decided its time again. Just put Miya and Jayden to bed after a little bit longer night at the hospital. Nicki is on the way home (she just called and said the coolant light came on...it was red....temp gauge is pegged...SWEEEEEET!!!) from doing skin to skin with Melanie. We got to spend the night at the hospital as a family. It went pretty well barring a couple setbacks: a broken clay Christmas ornament for Melanie from the March of Dimes, 3 dropped pipes which meant they all had to get pitched, and a few breakdowns by Jayden...however, the Westra's are being featured by the hospital and the March of Dimes for "Kangaroo Care"...same thing as skin to skin. We had to stick around for a little while longer for them to take pictures with Nicki holding Melanie, and dad and his circus monkey girls posing for family pictures around her. Not sure exactly what they are going to do with them, but it sounds pretty cool.

Melanie had another first today. She was held by Jayden for the 1st time. Jayden did pretty well considering the hospital recommends kids stay in the hospital room for one minute for every year of age. That would put Jayden at a minute and a half. Looking at it that way, she did great. Hopefully Nicki remembered to take the camera home so I can put those pictures up for you.

Tonight was Christmas meal at the hospital. We got to see Levi's parents for the first time since moving out of NICU. I'm starting to get used to NIM, but its just not the same. I felt pretty guilty leaving the NICU...I guess I will name them Le, Co, and Lo (CANT PUT THEIR FULL NAMES ON THIS PAGE FOR FEAR OF HIPPO VIOLATION!!! dont get me started on that deal....NAZIS!!!!!!) all who have been in the room since August I believe. Im really excited that Melanie got to move out, but for the last month and a half, we've been able to watch progress on those kids too, and our neighbors have pretty much become family to us while we were there. Such awesome neighbors and nurses we've had. Some of the nurses are coming along with Melanie, but not the ones who never took care of her that we got to know in that room. Some of the parents in NICU nursery #1 have helped our stay soooo much. The comforting glances they shot our way when Melanie was having 50 bradys a day, the heads up for what to expect when we got a little anxious about new things going on, the therapeutic conversations we could all have as concerned parents, and the smiling faces when we cracked jokes and laughed at some of the 'nursery 1 conversations' that seem to add that twinkle of laughter to our day. The fact that Melanie is doing so well gets me really excited...I just have this feeling of guilt as she moves to the next phase without them. I know its not in Gods plan right now to have them leave before us, and thats ok I guess.

On the positive side, it is very quiet in our room. No alarms going off every second of every day. Our own room, for now, to lounge around in and not worrying about getting in our neighbors way. A little more forgiveness when Miya and Jayden show up because we dont have to worry about being too loud, and waking up 8 babies when our older children are crying. All in all, we again see how very blessed we are. God has shown his mercy to our family throughout all of this. Our baby girl continues to impress everyone. (She weighs 3# 11oz tonite!!!!!) Crazy how she can pack on weight so fast all of a sudden. Nicki just told me she nursed 8 mls today, so our little peanut is growing at incredible speeds.

I know most of you dont know our neighbors we've had in the NICU, but know that there are many others in this same hospital that can use prayers as well. God will send them home to their families in due time, it just appears that our time is sooner than theirs for now. We appreciate all the continued prayers for us as well. It appears that this family is starting to maybe get a little worn out. Nicki and I are very tired (not sure if thats from lack of sleep or emotional tiredness or both) and Miya and Jayden seem to miss their parents a bit more every day. We'll get through it soon enough...p.s. a nurse mentioned possibly 2 weeks (I think shes on crack, but shes been right with everything else so far). Just kidding about the bein on crack thing Anne :)

To all of you: We wish you a very blessed Christmas! Enjoy your family get togethers and dont take them for granted. And remember the reason for the season. Christ came down to this earth to save sinners. What a reason for joy!
Luke 2:8-11"And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them; and they were sore afraid.
And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord."


Love you all

Just got the pictures, so here they are!


A very happy big sister and a confused baby :)




Jayden holding for the first time with a look on her face like shes done this her whole life



One of the most adorable pictures Ive ever seen so far in Melanies short lifetime




You pick your description for this one :) Any ideas for improved parenting with this child???? just kidding...shes a great kid, just has a mind of her own

Another BIG Day

Monday was another big day in the Westra Household. It started Sunday night with Jayden sleeping upstairs in her big girl bed, YEAH!!!! She went right to sleep with no crying. We think napping in different beds all week has prepared her for the switch. In the afternoon we had a special date with Miya. Helen DeVos put on a children's Christmas party for the patients and families. Miya got to come and spend time with just mom and dad for a while at the hospital doing crafts and being spoiled rotten. The Christmas party was lots of fun. Miya and dad made their first gingerbread house. Miya thought it was great and enjoyed liking her fingers, the knife, and the actual house. She left the party with a bag full of crafts and toys. Mom and dad left the party with much more gratitude and appreciation for the staff of Helen DeVos Children's hospital and Mrs. Helen DeVos herself as we were able to meet her.



After the party, Miya held Melanie for the first time(video coming...Jayden shut off the computer while it was uploading, have to start the process over...) It didn't last very long, but she was very excited to hold her. After holding her Miya read Melanie the book she made for her with Aunt Wendi. It's called Welcome to our World and has pictures and explanations of the "important" things Melanie needs to know about our house. For example, a picture of the the red barn tells Melanie that's where the bikes are. The picture of Miya says that she's three and that her favorite food is mac and cheese, nuggets and nugget dip-it, and pickles. It was precious watching Miya read that book to Melanie and start the bonding process. Three girls, all close in age is going to be very trying at times, especially during the teenage years, but I'm so excited to watch the close relationships these girls will develop as the get older.

Melanie had a big day too. She moved to NIM. YEAH!! One step closer to going home. Currently she is the only baby in her nursery (it can hold up to three babies). There is a nurse to about every three babies and they may all be in different nursery's so we don't see them near as often. Also, when Melanie's monitors beep it takes a while for a nurse to get there (if it's not urgent). This is good for me....to start to detach from the constant comfort of having a nurse within 5 feet of Melanie at all times. The room is much more quiet (very nice for visiting with Uncle Bruce and Brett). Jeff may go insane however since there are no other people to talk to, not even a nurse!


Melanie seems to like her new room....she finished her bottle today!! Jeff fed her at her 6:00 care time and she drank all 30ml. YEAH MELANIE!!! It was her first time finishing her meal!! She even gave a satisfying burp without too much pounding :)


We have so much to be thankful for. God is good!

Lots of Progress

I'm going to be very quick today...Jeff's Uncle Bruce and brother Brett made the 12 hour drive from Iowa to visit little Melanie. They were able to see and hold her yesterday. We decided yesterday was the longest period of time Melanie has been out of her bed at one time, 6 hours. She was held the entire time :)
Uncle Bruce feeding Melanie while Brett holds her!

Brett and Melanie

Uncle Bruce and Melanie

Aunt Wendi's first time holding Melanie :)

Melanie had a huge growth spurt last week, she now weighs 3 lbs 7 oz and is 17 1/2 inches long. She is still on oxygen, however, on Saturday they took her off from it for awhile to see what she would do. Yesterday Melanie and I finally connected on the nursing thing and she nursed 2 ml (woot woot). She also drinks from a bottle a little bit too. We try to keep it to two times a day so she doesn't burn too many calories trying.

And the big news.....

Sometime today she will be moved to the step-down side of the NICU. This is the place to go when babies make it past the "critical" stage and just need to focus on growning/eating. Melanie will do just fine with this transition but mom and dad may struggle a little more. We are so thankful the Lord has healed her enough to go there, however it's a change, and will take some adjusting.

Laughter

Hopefully you read Nicki's post about an hour ago....if not, it would probably be a good idea to scroll down and look at the last one (called 'Yet another first") before you read this one, or it might not make sense.

The laughter started immediately when I got here tonight...9:00 is Melanies care time, dad shows up at 9:10 due to parking ramp difficulties which I wont vent about at this moment. The 1st words out of Meg's (Melanies nurse for tonight) mouth when I got in there was "you're late!"....I thought, "coulda started with a hello, hi, hola, como estas....something, but, you're late will do I guess"....little did I know what I walked in on. What dads job is when care time arrives is: #1 take temperature, #2 change diaper, and #3 weigh Melanie. I know this routine, however, when I got there, #2 was complete, and Meg......lets just say she's seen cleaner diapers. She went on about how bad this diaper was (looking back now, it wasnt any problem I was late, she just got stuck changing one of the dirtiest diapers of all time). Not quite believing her, I opened the trash can and saw the 'war zone'....I have never seen so many baby wipes covered in such a disgusting, attrocious looking, gut-turning smelling, foul odor in my life. This was unbelievable. Note to self....late is never ok, unless its fassionably late for a diaper change.

Anyway
It was my turn to feed Melanie tonight...I struggle with the idea, only for selfish reasons (if Im not allowed, or capable of feeding her, only Nicki can get up with her in the middle of the night :) Im kidding.

Anyway, Meg is Melanie's nurse tonight, and along with taking care of two children tonight, she had to train a dad on how to bottle feed a NICU baby....The thought going through my head "how hard can this be?, we have a potentially hungry baby, and a bottle partially full of milk...not so difficult...slam bottle in babys mouth and see if she drinks it...simple...Ive done this before" Ummmmmm, yeah....this is the point at which you get to feel bad for Melanie because she has a dad that was a bit, we'll call it, simple tonight :)

1st of all, if you looked at the pictures Nicki posted, holding this child is much different than the typical 8 1/2 pound babies we were used to....no problem, I can hold her differently. 2nd, there is a technique....This is where I ran into problems. I was supposed to take the bottle, and dab her lips to get her curious, and when she opened her mouth, insert the bottle....yeah...that was supposedly funny in these nurses eyes. I guess I looked like I was painting a barn with a paint brush. I wiped the niple back and forth, but she didnt open. So I did it harder and longer. This is when the bottle was removed from my hands very quickly, and I proceeded to watch what this "dabbing" looked like. When I dabbed, she didnt open...so I dabbed harder, and covered more surface area of the mouth. I didnt get to watch the video on this one...and it showed :) After a bit more laughter and a few times with Melanie forgetting the whole 'breath, suck, swallow, breath, suck, swallow' idea, we managed to try the burping technique. This is where Im a bit confused after reading Nickis post. One of three things must be different...either she didnt describe it the same way I did, she got to burp with a different technique than I did, or Meg wanted another laugh so she dreamt up some new way of burping. None the less, I got accused of a couple things...1st, I was apparently trying to set the speed record for this burp to come out. 2nd, I accused myself of beating our child because the way I had to hold and burp felt very wrong...how do I describe it...ummm....ok, I got it. It felt like trying to throw a baseball 80 miles an hour with my left hand in the strike zone. Me being right handed, it doesnt work, and looks pretty funny. We've all done it I think. We try hard, and our friends laugh at us. Burping Melanie, looked like the same scenario, with identical outcome...nurses laughing. Anyway, no burbs later, a few chokes and coughs, and I was told she was burning more calories trying to drink than what she was actually consuming, so we put her back in her bed. She did drink about 13 of her 27 mls, so, I guess we can call it a win. However, Meg proceeded to finish this bottle the tube fed way again. Oops, better luck next time I guess. I'll get to practice it again.

Thats the story for tonight. I think Melanie has settled down enough from the preceeding adventure that I might get to do a little skin to skin...but we will see.

This doesnt really qualify for a prayer request...so, I guess, just hope for Melanies sake that dad gains wisdom in this area, or the Westra family is gonna run into some problems.

Have a good night

Yet another first!

We praise the Lord AGAIN today as Melanie hit another milestone. On Sunday, her nurse told us to expect to start trying Melanie nursing and bottle feeding in a couple of weeks....well...she drank from a bottle today! Sucking and swallowing is a very complicated thing for preemies to do. They often take a while to get the hang of it. So the doc of the day decided to start Melanie on this process today by allowing her to give a shot at nursing/bottle feeding. Much to everyone's surprise she decided she really liked it. I started with nursing but the feeding tube seemed to be in the way even though she was 'trying' to suck, so we tried a bottle. They put 27ml (a full feeding for Melanie) in a bottle expecting her to nuzzle at it or at the best maybe drink a couple ml. Melanie drank all but 3 1/2 ml. YEAH Melanie. The nurse figured she drooled 5-10ml out due to her feeding tube. She LOVED drinking from her bottle. She was alert the whole time and making those cute little noises babies make when they are eating. Since she did so well they are going to move her feeding tube from her mouth to her nose so we can try nursing again. We are so thankful God has blessed Melanie with this new victory in her development. We also know that everything happens according to His plan. It may very well be she won't drink from a bottle again for a week. We'll keep trying, and understand while we try, that all things happen according to God's plan and not our own.

After feeding Melanie her bottle I had to burp her. I had to ask the nurse all kinds of questions about burping. What position, how hard, how long if she doesn't burp. So I hoisted her up over my shoulder and began patting(it felt like pounding) her chest. This was an emotional time for me as I realized our little peanut is going to be coming home, the Lord willing. I don't think about her coming home very often because it feels so far away. Today, while burping Melanie it hit me right between the eyes that the day is quickly approaching and I can say I'm excited for it. After patting her back trying to get a burp I realized she is not as fragile as she was 6 weeks ago. I can rub her fingers and toes now, I can talk to her without her stats dropping, I can change her diaper without worrying if I'll pull her hip out of place. I can even take her out of her bed by myself (with permission :) ) Yes, I know she is still a preemie and is very fragile, especially when it comes to sicknesses. But now I look at her as OUR little baby that I can't wait to take home; not as the baby in the NICU that we'll take home someday. Who knew burping could be such a bonding experience!

Another Day of Firsts

Melanie is still doing very well. She is tolerating her feedings again. They started her back at 15ml and every 3 hours they will increase her feeding by 3ml until she is considered at full feedings (25ml). She continues to do well on just oxygen (nasal cannula). Since she is doing so well on the oxygen the nurses said it would be okay to let two family members hold little Melanie today. There were some very excited MI family members today, and some not very excited members as they had a tickle in their throat or a runny nose. So who was the first to hold her???? Grandpa B of course. For those of you that don't know him, he us considered a baby HOG. If there is a sleeping baby around him, he will be holding her and sleeping too. Grandpa Berens LOVES holding sleeping babies (don't we all). This time was a little different though; he had to sit up in a chair, not lay on the couch. No nappy for Grandpa toady; I'm pretty sure he didn't mind. Who is the second person you might ask....Wendi's husband Dan! Yup, not grandma b...yet. When Dan got done holding her he went right out to Wendi and of course rubbed it in that he got to hold her and she didn't. He let her smell his arm though, isn't he thoughtful
And one more first. Miya's first kiss to Melanie. Before we left the hospital tonight, Miya said prayers with Melanie and then kissed her head. It was very precious to see Miya already trying to teach Melanie. We are truly blessed with three wonderful little girls and thank God for them each and every day. Even on those days when they can't sit still in church, fight the whole way home, and cry through dinner! Yes, even those days we are thankful for!

Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness. Isaiah 41:10

Message from Melanie

Yeah! I'm a BIG GIRL!! I weigh 3 pounds now! And if you didn't notice I'm on nasal cannula! Dr. Gelfand told me I can stay on it as long as I'm a big girl...which means I have to keep my stats up. I will do my best!!!

My mommyy was so excited to take pictures of me without my CPAP that she forgot to to wipe the boogers out of my eye...she says she's sorry!

Look Great Grandma Hoksbergen...I'm wearing a shirt AND I'm swaddled in a blanket...even though I'd rather have my legs and arms out! I took this picture just for you.My mommy loves it when I hold her finger...(so does my daddy)!

A quick good morning from dad and Melanie

Good morning!!!

Its kind of nice having to work 6 blocks from the hospital for Tues, Wed, and Thur this week. Not a whole lot new going on at the hospital....but there was someone who wanted to say hello....Melanie got bath number 2 last night, and she wanted me to say hi.




For Melanie, everything is going very well. She was on room oxygen on her CPAP all night. I seen Dr Gelfand this morning, however, he worked all night....so when I asked him what he was thinking for Melanie, he simply smile and said "Im not" ...I always appreciate honesty :) We are really greatful for all they do for her here. Again, I say these doctors and nurses are the best in thier field. We are really getting to know a lot of them quite well. I had to laugh last night because I was talking to some newer parents in the hallway...during a shift change...which means every nurse that was currently working, was going to be leaving through the hall way we were standing in; and the other nurses coming in were also walking past us in that hallway. Whats funny is that I dont need to look at name tags to see who they are, and they know who this crazy dad from Iowa is because sitting in a room, not conversing with people, is not one of my strong points.
It was a simple, "cya later Jeff!!!!!...cya (nurses name)!!!!" The parents I was talking to just started to laugh...I told them they would get to that point too. They have a 1 pound 7 ounce Isaac, and he is doing very well, too.
These people are all very friendly, and they genuinley care about not only the patients they work with, but also the parents who have to sit bedside and pretend like they are taking good care of their kids.

Miya and Jayden are also doing very well...This having 3 girls, 3 1/2 years and younger is going to be a lot of fun. I love these kids, and really enjoy watching them grow up...although thinking they are doing it much too fast. By the way, Miya is now up to 13 freckles. She loves it when its bed time and I make her lay in bed reaaaaaaaaaally still, and I look her in they eyes and count freckles. Its so hilarious! She gets so excited, almost nervous hoping she gets to add one or two. She had 12 about a week ago, so when I said there was 13, she got a great big smile on her face....and was ready for bed. Jayden loves going to bed and reading the Bubbles Bubbles book (seasame street book)...she wont talk too much unless she is excited, so when when we get the the 'Bubbles, Bubbles, POP!POP! POP!, she goes crazy popping bubbles on the page and screamin :pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop"....its literally this many times or more :)

We are truly a blessed family, even though I never even pictured havin girls when we found out Nicki was pregnant with Miya. Now, no boys and 3 girls later, Im loving it, and praise God every day for the young beauties He has put in our hands to raise in the best way we can.


(Psa 127:3-5 KJV) Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. {4} As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth. {5} Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate.

Have a great day!

Melanie continues to improve each and every day. Today when I reached her bedside she had orders from the Dr.s to start weening her from the CPAP to nasal cannula. We were a little surprised at this since her Dr. told us last Wednesday it would be a few weeks before we started that process. So she will be on nasal cannula twice a day for an hour each time. When she was on it today she not only tolerated it well, she LOVED it. She was wide awake for a portion of the time looking at me with those big beautiful eyes. While holding her on nasal cannula she received lots and lots of kisses on her head. Normally when we hold her she has the CPAP hardware on her face and the hat on her head. Nasal cannula is a different story :) For those that don't know, it's what she was wearing when she had her bath (I'll try to get more pictures next time). Melanie is also up to full feedings (per her birth weight) at 25ml every three hours. She gets it compressed over an hour (to help stop the reflux). She also is tolerating her feedings well. She now weighs in at a whopping 2 lbs 14 ounces. Yeah Melanie!!! I was able to talk with Dr. Jones today. He is a retired (just over a year ago) neonatal Dr. and he now volunteers his time in the NICU talking to parents and taking extra time to answer any questions they may have. While talking with him today he said Melanie may very well be breathing completely on her own when it's time to go home. She may need to stay in the NICU to continue growing. She is still in her isolette. In order to graduate to a big-girl bed she will need to be able to maintain her own body temperature. This typically doesn't happen until they are 4-5lbs. A good weight increase for her gestation is 15-30 grams a day (about half an ounce to an ounce). So, she may be in her isolette for a while which will keep her daddy happy as he's not ready for all the change.

They say the NICU is a roller coaster ride. We have had our ups and downs. The past few weeks Melanie has been coasting around the top of a hill. I keep waiting for the fall, the plummet to the bottom. Dr. Jones put some things into perspective for me today. He said that Melanie cannot go backwards. It is impossible for her to go back to where she was a month ago or even a week ago. She has matured to the point she is currently at. Yes, she can have set-backs. She could go back on the vent, or her feedings could go backwards. An infection could develop. However, she is so much stronger then she was. Her lungs are stronger, she has more body weight, all of her body systems are that much older and mature that she will handle situations in a totally different way; in that way she cannot go backwards. It put some of my anxiety to rest. That along with knowing that Melanie's future is already decided. God has already created the most perfect plan and purpose for her life. I need to have faith that His plan is the best plan, not mine.

The stinky kid gets a bath

We havent told you, but Melanie held the stinky kid award in our neighborhood for the past week or so. It was pretty amazing how something so small could smell so bad....I guess thats the truth of a lot of things for kids.....diapers are another good example.

Anyway, Anne said it would be alright to give her a bath today. She took off her CPAP and put Melanie on something called nasal cavity, and we did our thing. It was pretty cool. Melanie loved it too. Her 1st bath...at times she looked a little concerned, but overall, I think she liked it. Her eyes were open the whole time, wide awake....almost like a "thank-you, what took you so long! Ive been living in this tent for 5 weeks now with no bath...how could you let me smell this bad!!" Ok, maybe thats what dad thought, but all in all, it was good. Here are a few pictures:


"THANK YOU!!! IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS MY WHOLE LIFE....(literally)




"Ohhhh yeah....that feels good"




Nurse Anne and all her helpers....it takes a lot of hands for a 2lb 12oz kid




Fresh baby....fresh clothes




Melanie's true size...barely as long as our heads...Got to hold and kiss her with no tubes for a few minutes today.



Other than that....still not much new news....Ill leave you with a few pictures from the past week....A first family picture...an update on Melanie wearing daddys ring, and our other silly girls last night looking at Christmas trees at the Festival of Trees in Allegan with the Looyengas...dont worry Caleb...I wont embarrass you by showing off the pictures of your pajamas from last night...:) even if I did....just tell everyone they were salmon colored, it seems to work for me.

No news is good news!

I just got home from holding our baby...sure makes driving in our 1st good snowstorm of the year a whole lot easier when you have a goal like that to hit. Our daughter is doing wonderful. We've been getting many questions about how Melanie is doing over the last few days, and the report Ive been telling everyone is "the doctors say we really cant expect her to be any better". Its kind of an akward feeling right now, with nothing in the horizon to change, no surgeries, no xrays, no ultrasounds...it can kind of makes a dad impatient,who has a hard time sitting back and relaxing. However, being able to sit and relax with a 2 pound, now 12 ounce baby girl on my chest is better than most anything I can think of....except maybe for fishing. IM KIDDING!! With all her IV lines and pic line out, only having her CPAP in her nose, a feeding tube down her throat, and a few stickers on her belly with sensors attatched to them to measure heart rate, breathing rate, and oxygen levels in her blood, there is very little to be concerned about for the time being. Its time to let our little girl get bigger (I say that because I know thats what she needs to do, however, I already have reservations about her growing...) Im proud to say that our little girl is finally starting to grow a bit of a rear end :) 16 to 20years from now, she might be very upset at her dad for being excited about that, but thats ok for now. No longer is she just skin and bones on her little butt, instead, there is a crease beginning to form. It makes for wiping after a dirty diaper a whole lot easier when you dont have all those skin wrinkles to deal with. Its not completely there yet, but its improving :)

Its looking like this upcoming week is going to be a very slow paced, not much changing kind of week. In approximately 2 weeks, they will begin to study her eyes. Typically premature kids develop some early eye setbacks, mostly due to being on oxygen for a long period of time. Since Melanie is on room oxygen (21%), and she wasnt on ventilator very long, considering others her size are on much longer, she might not have too much of a problem with this, however she will be monitored for the remainder of her stay at the hospital, just to make sure. If problems do begin, a simple laser surgery can fix the problems if caught early enough. One of Melanies neighbors just went through that recently, and turned out really good. Some time, when I dont have Jayden standing behind me in her crib wondering what in the world Im doing at 1:15in the morning, Ill explain that in more detail.

Other than that, Miss Melanie...or Melanie Grace Westra as Miya likes to call her...is continuing to impress doctors and nurses throughout the NICU. We have a tough little girl on our hands, so it seems...but shes gonna need to be considering the two older sisters she'll be growing up with.

After reading that last paragraph again, and since Jayden layed back down, I guess I can tell you I have an even greater peace for what is going on. Melanie can still go backwards, but she is doing very well. We are so greatful to God for the blessings He has already given us in the few short weeks of this child's life. Thinking back of Thanksgiving, I can truly say, we are thankful IN all things. To many people, the lifestyle of lots of travel, a goofy schedule, now and then some worries and concerns, may look overbearing. I must say, in all honesty, Im greatful and thankful to be put in this situation. God has truly blessed us, drawn us closer to Him, and made us much more aware of our surroundings. We have a 3 healthy children for the time being, loving and caring family and freinds, and God, who is supplying us with all our needs...spiritually and physically. Its really hard to complain about anything in life when looking at things in the right perspective.

Ill leave you with the words of a song from dad's favorite Miya sing-a-long CD (she since has gotten a few others, and doesnt want to listen to dads favorite too much anymore, so I stole it from her and put it in my truck :)

"Our God is and awesome God! He reigns from heaven above, with wisdom, power, and love...Our God is an awesome God!"

Dad....and Jayden, who again is standing in her crib say "good-night"

Humbled again

Just taking a break from holding Melanie...I got to put Miya and Jayden to bed tonite, and then, it was off to the hospital. Looking at Nickis post, its true, I cant think of anything more relaxing and amazing than looking in the eyes of a child while they lay on me. I have to laugh because Miya and Jayden dont typically lay on their dad like Melanie does, unless they feel so rotten, they just want to be held...Most of those times, I dont mind.

However, when sitting in a chair for two hours, having forgotten a book, there isnt much to look at in a NICU room unless you're into looking at monitors....and even the games you make up with those monitors get old real quick....so it gives a dad a lot of time to think. What I wanted to do tonite, is to tell you of a few happenings over the past 2 days that have really humbled us again.

Let me start with something that has been almost a commonality over the last month. The spirit of giving to one premature baby and her family has been, simply put, nearly overwhelming...in a good way. From gas cards to gift cards, meal cards to baby blankets, yard work to 'thinking of you and praying for you' cards, meals to house cleaning, baby sitting to hotel stays, money to baby clothes, hugs to emails of support, and most importantly....prayers. To see a town, a community, a network of friends, co workers, total strangers, acquaintances, business partners, and the latest...a church family come together helping out in countless ways; all so unselfish, so giving, so amazing, that a man who can sometimes be a motor mouth (myself), remains....speechless. Only the words 'thank you' can be uttered...anything else would be a waste.

Some of my family was out for the Thanksgiving holiday, and they were shocked at the amount of cards we have on our kitchen counter top. Below is a picture of the latest work coming from our church family....and this picture doesnt do justice....some ladies put together a 'grocery drive' at church for us, which we were totally surprised at. Not only did we receive months worth of groceries (2 items were 14 boxes of macaroni and cheese, and 10 boxes of cereal :), but there was also more grocery gift cards, and what nearly brought me to my knees, was money donated to fill our propane tank, which will probably take care of our heating needs in our house for the winter. Thankfully, only a camera was there and not a video camera, or you would have seen a lot of tears.

Here is the latest picture:


To all of you....you are amazing people...our news and media likes to 'spice things up' by announcing the terrible things that go on in our country. What you all are doing for us, the media wouldnt know what to do with. God is truly good, and we thank Him daily for all of you and what you are doing for us....again, I say, 'Thank you'.





The second thing that I was truly humbled by today was more than words can describe. Last night, an infant from our 'neighborhood' died after being admitted to nursery 1 on Sunday morning. I never got a chance to meet this childs parents, nor did I find out the name due to rules the hospital has, so the nurses cant tell us anything. I stared at Miss Melanie tonite for a while and just thought about this family who must truly be hurting right now. What I do know (not from nurses) is that this mother was in a car accident, and her baby had to come out at 24 weeks. All I know beyond that, is when I arrived at the hospital this morning, the bed was empty. I started thinking about how this mother, who never made it down to the NICU to see her baby because she spent so much time in surgery, must feel. She didnt recouperate fast enough to see her baby alive....I thought of the empty car seat, the empty crib, the excitement of soon hearing a baby crying, and not being able to experience it. The possible name picked, the baby showers planned, the cute baby clothes purchased, but most importantly, the pure excitement of expecting a baby as a parent, and having to hear the words...."your baby didnt make it".

I have no idea how this must feel....some of you do....and again, I remain speechless. Thankfully we have the Word of God to provide comfort, because anything less, to me, seems like empty words. I sat looking at Melanie tonite thinking that could have been us. We could have gone home empty, or maybe, God could have taken both my wife and my daughter home to Him. Melanie's birth was serious enough, that without His guiding hand through the technology that we have now, it could have happened. I thought about how painful the tears have been for us at times, and tried to even begin to relate to those parents who have lost children, and I sit in awe of the power of God.

For now, it wasnt time for the Westra's to lose a family member. And maybe as you read this, its not your turn to lose a family member either. But one thing we do know: we wont make it through this journey called life alive. And I know for myself, I dont make the most out of each day that God gives me. I waste time, at times. I do non productive things, at times. I take for granted the time God gives to me and the ones I love a lot. Maybe I had to see this empty bed this morning to remind me of that...and when I have to walk past this same empty bed two more times tonite to say goodnight to Melanie, it will remind me that we are here on earth, only for a 'moment', whether that be 2 days like this baby, or 100 + years like some do. Let this be a reminder to all of us that God is in control....thankfully, and that we must strive to not take our blessings for granted.

Deuteronomy 31:6
"Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the LORD thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee."

Melanie Hugs

Ohhhh mommy loves this! Hugs and holding are so easy to take for granted. This past week I was once again reminded how good it feels to hold a tiny little baby. Yes, we have to be careful. Yes, there are cords and lines to move around (although there is one less...the piccline). Yes, I often feel lazy, dozing on and off between talking to the nurses and reading a book (with only limited movement of one free hand there is not a lot you can do). Yes, I feel guilty for not being with the girls at home. However, I realized today that I'm only holding our baby for 3 hours a day; if that long. If I carried her full-term and she were at home right now, I'd be holding her much longer then 3 hours each day and I wouldn't have half the feelings I had above. So I need to tell myself it's okay to just relax and hold Melanie. That is what she needs right now. She needs to grow. To grow faster she needs to feel her mommy and daddy's love through holding her...however short that may be. I know of several people that have had babies over the past month and several more that are preggo right now...hold your babies. Instead of running off to switch the laundry or to clean the bathrooms hold them ten extra minutes. In the middle of the night when they are crying, hold them a little longer. Those minutes are sooo precious. They are memories to cherish forever.

On a totally different note...last week Monday was our family date night. We went to a H1N1 Vaccination clinic at Fennville High School. WOW! Was that an experience I don't want to do again. Most of you know Jeff and how much of farm boy he is. Washing his hands never really happened in the past. Well, lets just say he was more of a germ-a-phobe then me at this clinic. I have never seen him so concerned about what the girls were touching. The girls did great with their shots. Jayden sniffled three times before she started grunting for a sucker. Miya was so concerned that Sara (her baby) got a shot and band-aide she didn't have time to think about her own shot. Down side, the girls need another dose of H1N1 in 28 days and Jeff and the girls still need their seasonal flu vaccination :( Our date did end on a positive note...supper from the Hawk's Nest! Here is a picture of our tough family!

Here are some pictures of Melanie's war wounds. The scar is about the size of my finger from the tip to the knuckle as you can see. Yes, it looks huge. However, the scar is as big as it will ever be. Which means as she grows, her scar will not. So when she is older it will not be near as noticeable as it is right now.

These pictures are of her after her surgery. She is still heavily sedated and looks very, very, comfortable. At this point she needed to rest and allow her body to heal, which she did. In these pictures she looks puffy from the drugs and fluid. She isn't really that big...yet!