Dr. Appointments

Okay, a very quick post for now. Melanie had an audiology appointment yesterday for a re-check of her ears. While at Devos she passed one ear and failed the other. The nurses there though it may be because she was on oxygen. Well, that seems to be the case because she passed both ears within 2 min of the test. I was very relieved as this was a test I was very anxious for her to have since we left the hospital. She also had another check of her eyes (a weekly test while in the hospital). After waiting for over an hour and a half the doctor looked at her eyes for 1 min (I'm NOT exaggerating even a little) he said there was no change. This means her eyes are still at a level 2. He assured me no change is good at this point. As long as her eyes don't go to a level three we'll just keep checking them EVERY week. This could continue till she's 44 weeks (gestation). Typically babies eyes are not developed until 4 weeks after their born(currently she is 39 weeks gestation). All in all, a very good day! We continue to see the Lord's blessings as Melanie develops. It amazes me how perfectly God has created our bodies to form and develop inside the womb. There are so many little things that have to grow at specific times that I have never even though of. I simply took for granted a baby develops and then is born healthy. I have taken so much for granted with my 'normal' pregnancy's. Watching Melanie grow has opened my eyes to so much more and caused me to be thankful each and every day for the little (big) steps Melanie is making.

As for Melanie's weight. As of Tuesday she weighed 5lbs and 13oz. I think she may be having a growth spurt today. She ate every two hours last night. Maybe she was just hungry from her busy day yesterday. :)

Adjusting

Everyone here is still adjusting to being home together. We are very excited to be home as a complete family...well most of us anyway. Tuesday morning at breakfast Miya had a question for me. "Mommy, can I have another baby sister?" I about choked on my cereal and then reminded her that Melanie was home just sleeping in the crib, thinking she forgot about her. "No mom, I want ANOTHER baby sister." I asked her why. "Cause I want you and daddy to go to the hospital for long times so I can play with my friends." I guess we don't have to worry if the girls had fun while we were at the hospital. I do think it's taking Miya a little longer to adjust simply due to the fact that she wants to go, go, go and now we are stuck, stuck, stuck! I really thought Jayden would have her toes stepped on with Melanie needing more attention, however, she is doing great. I haven't really noticed any jealousy from her. That might yet come as Melanie gets a little older. As of now, they LOVE having Melanie home. Miya is always asking to hold her (so that also means Jades does too). While Miya is holding her she can't stop giving her kisses. It's the cutest thing! And Jayden just wants to show her to everyone. Be warned, if you walk into our house, Jayden will grab your hand, pull you to Melanies's bedroom, saying "elanie, elanie, elanie" the the whole way (weather she knows you or not). As for Melanie, she left the hospital Thursday at 5 lbs and 3/4oz. Saturday morning she weighed 5 lbs 1oz. Growth, but not exceptional. On Monday a home-health nurse came out for a weight check and she weighed in at a WHOPPING 5lbs 5oz. Exceptional!! Yeah Mealanie, that's a 'rate of gain' of 2+ oz a day. I think she is LOVING her new surroundings and knows she's HOME! Here is a little video of what Melanie has to sleep through. We are truly blessed with three little girls that absolutly LOVE eachother! I'm so excited to watch them grow-up together.

:) you design your own picture

Dad here again...just an update of how things are going in the Westra household now that Melanie is home. I have to tell you, its been very good having everyone home. Today was Nickis first day at home by herself with all three girls, so I think she was looking for help when I got home. However, when I got home, the trooper she was said the day went really good. Miya and Jayden are turning out to be really good big sisters already. As long as everyone is getting naps, everyone is happy.

So Im thinking, after tonite, we are better off keeping dad away. The reason I say this is because when I got home today, I started helping...and here is where all the problems began. It was actually quite hilarious...so funny, we were laughing throughout the whole time. This is where your imagination gets to draw your own picture in your head.

Phase one:...Melanie has a terribly smelly diaper at 6:00 pm. Dad decides he will tackle this diaper as mom is clearing the dishes from eating supper (...or dinner, I guess all you backwards Michigan people call it around here...note: this is the only thing I havent gotten used to since I moved to Michigan :) Miya and Jayden are already cleaned up, so we set two chairs up by Melanies changing table so the girls could stand on them....Miya near Melanies head, Jayden near Melanies rear, to watch dad change the diaper........let me just take a step back at this point and tell you Jayden had a rough nite up to this point due to her lack of eating earlier that evening. She had many tears, cried hard, and was very tired.

Phase two:...Miya and Jayden are both standing on their chairs talking to Melanie and watching as dad begins taking Melanies clothes off in preparation for the ultimate diaper. Dad takes the diaper off, quickly wipes Melanie down, and puts the wipe in the diaper...(let me just tell you my mindset as this is all going on...Melanie has a problem...seems that every time we change a dirty diaper, she decides it feels good to be clean, and makes a dirty diaper again, almost immediately after we get her out of the 1st one....dad, knowing this, knew he didnt have much time to get the other diaper into place)

Phase three:...dad doesnt get the clean diaper up to Melanies rear end quite in time. Infants, especially on breast milk, have a tendency to have a little less than solid BM when they are this young. This being the case, I managed to deflect the projectile mass before it went all the way across the room. This deflection left some projectile on my hands, on the outside of what had been a clean diaper, and, you guessed it....all over the changing table.

Phase four:...Jayden is now the topic of discussion. Melanie's projectile, with all of its force, made quite a noise, scaring the heebeejeebees out of her big sister Jayden, especially after seeing the mess that was made, and she promptly began running in place on her chair, screaming at the top of her lungs wondering what had just happened. Jayden...in a nutshell....flipped out.

Phase five:...this is a problem...as you may recall from phase three, some of this projectile landed on my hands. This makes removing Jayden from the scene of the incident...all but impossible. Again, as you may recall, Nicki is, what seemed like a lifetime away from us in the kitchen. Upon hearing all the screaming hysteria from Jayden; the yelling 'DADDY DADDY!!! MELANIE POOPED!!' from Miya; and a dad who is just laughing and trying to keep himself together, much less his 3 girls who are all within a foot of him, Nicki slowly begins making her way to Melanies room. Mind you, Jayden is still running in place at this time. There is no way I am moving her with the amount of feces on my hands.

Phase six:...Enters Nicki...She grabs Jayden, who is nearly hallucinating at this time. While she tries to begin the process of calming Jayden, I begin the clean up process. There is BM everywhere. The way it looked to me, if this kid drinks 50 mls at every feeding, there is 49 of them that come out her rear end by the time the next feeding time shows up three hours later. As I begin the cleaning process, I hear a very familiar sound in the background. It seems to be coming from Jayden. The reason it sounded so familiar, is because I used to make these very same noises when Miya was a baby, and I got stuck changing her diaper. The noise, is nearly the same noise you would hear if you stuck your fingers in the back of your throat and played tug of war with your droopy. ( I call this your droopy...Im not sure what the real name is...its the dangling thing that comes down just above your tongue in the back of your throat) I dont recommend trying to make this noise, so if you havent heard it....its a very loud gagging cough.

Stage seven:...As I get most of Melanies BM cleaned, and begin to take the second diaper off to replace it with the third clean one, Jaydens coughing and gaggin comes to an end....why you ask??? You guessed it, she had worked herself up so much, she made her own projectile which came out of her mouth. Supper (or dinner) was shooting everywhere. It was at this point that I was happy she didnt eat so well. Not nearly as much food came out. However, once was not enough for Jayden.

Stage eight:...Since Jayden had worked herself up so well, she decided that once was not enough. The first projectile landed on the floor, however, Nicki got in the way of the second....and the third. Problem...we have Jayden still screaming, BM still on the changing table and on Melanies clothes, and Nicki and Jayden are stained with supper.

Stage nine:...not to be outdone, the baby of the family decides, since she started it all, she had probably finish it too. This is where the laughter really got going. I was cracking up pretty good when Melanie decided to...you guessed it, add to the mess she started with. And, since I hadnt learned my lesson the first time, the diaper still wasnt completely closed, and made more messes on the table...and...uh huh, my hand.

All of this happened in a matter of about a minute. Now, nearly four hours later, I am typing this, still smiling at how Miya held herself together so well. She gave the commentary on the whole deal. It was hilarious! Melanie now sits on my lap, clueless to the who ordeal, Miya and Jayden are upstairs in bed, and the house is sanitised. No one is sick, its just what happens when you turn diaper changing into a spectator sport I guess.

Hope you enjoyed yourselves at our expense! :)

Here is a picture to keep your tastebuds wet for tomorrow. No worries, I would never take a picture of tonites events!

Cya!

I guess I'll call it, Day 1

What a wonderful day. To not miss anything....what a blessing. Naps at our house, Miya and Jayden playing, Melanie doing all the things that she does best (I can name them: Eat, sleep, poop...in that order, however, she might throw a curve ball in there from time to time where its eat, sleep, poop, and then poop again immediately after we change the diaper). Today was the first time in a long time that I 'saw' us as a family. Everyone home, everyone doing their own thing...right or wrong, we were all here.

Im gonna throw a few pictures at you again, but let me say this...the hospital did cause for extra driving, however, to have to wake up at midnight, 3:00 and 6:00 am to do an hour care time at home....makes me appreciate even more what those nurses did for us. (Kelly, Im thinkin youre workin tonite....thanks, we'll be missing you again tonite :) I just got done feeding Melanie...Mom, Miya and Jayden are at the hotel with the Wassinks for a Christmas get to gether in Holland...and I kept thinking to myself what a wonderful journey God has put us through. Every single member of this family has grown up through this process. Mom and Dad mentally and spiritually, Miya and Jayden emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and literally, and Melanie...I guess just literally. Ive always heard that the journey is more amazing than the victory, and we got to experience that 1st hand.
Im so proud, especially of how this family handled this journey, as well as everyone else that was associated with it. Our immediate and extended family was brought closer, seeming to be a bit more relaxed as well, taking little problems in life, and making them to what they are....little problems. Our friends, new or existing, Ive never been so proud of each and every one of you. You've all been a part of a family, lifting them up in prayer, supporting them in so many ways, between babysitting, meals, cards, gifts, cleaning, hugs, tears, and so much more. Doctors and nurses, seeming to do their jobs, but taking the extra time to get to know a family (even though this family's dad seemed to be a pain in the rear at times) and doing more than required...All of you, I can picture the small children who said your prayers for Melanie at night, the adults that shed tears, the grandparents and other family members who felt distant, the pastors who prayed in their churches, the widows and widowers who gave to us more when they had plenty of thier own needs, and the families in the NICU who took the time to pray for our child, even when you had one or more of your own in there as well...all for a family in need.
I'd love to bring this story to a news station, and tell them the things they continue to produce on television are GARBAGE! This town, this state, this country, is full of people who do good...who go out of thier way to help others, who love, who pray, who trust in God for all things. Forget all their stupid news media making nearly every person of this world out to be a forsaken bunch of horrible, ignorant idiots. There are many...who witnessed to, prayed for, devoted time to, sacrificed for, cried for, and gave to a small family (getting bigger)in a small town called Bentheim Michigan. To me, as fast paced as everything seemed, it also seemed that time stopped for all these acts of goodness from all of you people to be fit in. You have so much to be proud of. I know we all blunder at times, and we do things we arent proud of, but looking back over the last while, Gods graciousness to us, through you, has been amazing. Surely God is in control, and we thank Him daily for you. We love you, and many times, I consider our little Melanie, to be yours too. Youve all been a huge part of her life for the last 77 days, and she hasnt met most of you.
Im so proud of each and every one of you...thank you again, and here are some more pictures of the little girl and the family you have loved on so much over the last while:

Day 76

So...this post, Ive been thinking about for a few days now. Im very thankful that I only need to type these words, and not say them to you all, as the lump in the back of my throat is getting bigger just thinking about it.

Today, our little Melanie Grace, who God has so richly blessed with health, and strength, hit the milestone we've been waiting for for 76 days. Although, any time before this 76th day, had we come home with Melanie, we wouldnt have been ready :) For the last few days, I've spent a lot of time reflecting. We also did that with some of the nurses in the hospital. For a dad, its all finally come to realization...his 4 girls are all home. What an amazing feeling. I went back through a lot of the posts over the last 2 and a half months, and I think, our only bad experience, happened on day 3...She never took care of Melanie again :) Anyway, Im not going to spend any time on negative because we truly are a blessed family. God, through the work of amazing doctors and nurses, took our baby home, just like He planned.

Today and yesterday were filled with a lot of information. Its been amazing, realizing everything our girl went through. She has been such a trooper over the last 76 days. I still remember what she looked like when she came out. I really had some doubts that she was going to make it. She came out gray colored, her heart didnt seem to be beating fast enough, and, when you see so many people (I think there was 6 or 7 standing at Melanies bedside) working on one infant immediately after she was born, it brings some genuine concern. Let me just quote her discharge summary we got today to give you a doctors version of how that early morning hour went.
"Baby emerged with poor tone, brought to warmer where placed in polyethlene bag (yes, she was actually placed in a clear plastic bag), suctioned, and given PPV (dont know what that is) by Neopuff with 40% oxygen. HR (heart rate) was 60 so Fi02 increased to 100% and baby intubated orally with 2.5 ETT. Intubation and continued mechanical ventilation resulted in improvement in baby's heart rate. Surfactant given in two equal aliquots. FiO2 was able to be weaned to 21%. After briefly showing baby to parents, she was transferred to NICU."

When I look back, I remember how totally petrified we were. The doctors were so focused, they wouldnt even answer my simple question of "boy or girl?". Then again, maybe Dr Gelfand never heard me...and Im laughing at myself right now thinking how selfish that sounds. Dr Gelfand was probably thinking 'How bout it, I stop what Im doing and let this near death child sit while I answer a couple of this needy dad's questions!'....Thankfully no one spoke their minds to us in the early days when we got there :)

Anyway, I want to spend the rest of the time lettin you all in on some pictures of people I will never forget. These people, and a couple others that arent pictured yet, are people this dad will never...ever forget. 76 days in the grand scheme of things dont sound like a lot, but probably will be the most remembered 76 days of my life. God has truly carried us through a worrysome time in our lives, and we are so thankful to Him that this day has arrived.

So, here are some pictures for you all to see (the information about each picture is below the picture,not above it...im not sure how this post is going to look on all of your screens):

This is greeter Mary. Her and Jacquie who we didnt get pictures of had a smile and hello every time we got there, no matter how busy they were. They also gave me the key to the hot chocolate...other parents were jealous :)


This is nurse Carla. She loved us so much, her and her husband-to-be bought a house a mile and a half from our house :) Carla had Melanie a few times in NICU, and then had her more often in NIM at night.


This is Margret. She was always good with us. She would sometimes be nights, sometimes days, but always did a great job with Melanie, and gained a lot of extra credit for how she handled Melanie's parents :)


This is nurse Anne. She found us a while after Melanie was born. She handled Melanie's dad very well. She was the nurse whos predictions usually were very close to accurate. (I lost a few bags of dark chocolate M&Ms on a bet we had :) She always told it like it was. We are very thankful for that.


This is Liza. Liza always brought a happy spririt to the room. She was full of energy, loved life, and loved kids. She and Nicki got along very well, too. Liza was one of the nurses who genuinely cared about our family. She took special interest in Melanies care, and in us.


This is Niki. She, from the day we met her kept the smiles in the room. She was always very entertaining. She was the nurse who discharged Melanie today.



This, is Amy. She works for the March of Dimes, and did so much for us as a family. She would set up parent night meetings, set up sibling nights where the girls could come and get comfortable with all the hospital surroundings. She also had 2 kids in the NICU. She, with some persistance, thankfully made a job for herself, and is a person we appreciated having there a lot.


This picture, I have to appologize for (not saying this is a bad picture, but wished I had another one to show you). This is nurse Jane, and the reason for appology is because she came out to the hospital today, on her day off, to see Melanie off...and we didnt get a picture of her and Melanie...Im so mad, and sorry Jane :( Jane is the nurse I spoke of a few posts ago. She is an amazing nurse, and has always had a spot for Melanie in her heart because she was Melanies 1st nurse.


This is Dr. Gelfand. He was Melanies doctor. He always kept us updated, talked us through Melanies worrysome times, and communicated very well with options and happenings to Melanie. He was the doctor who went home and researched what to do with Melanies pneumatocele, and made the call on Melanies surgery that Im convinced got her home weeks ahead of schedule. We couldnt have asked for a better Doctor.

Not pictured, yet, (hopefully we catch up with her again soon) is Kelly. Kelly is a night nurse that I got to know really well. Coming there at 8:00 at night and talking with Kelly til midnight or so was fun. She was also the one who would wake me up and ask me if I was ready to go home :)


This is a very special friend. Melissa and Gary, are a couple that had a baby right next to us for our entire time in the NICU. They have had a much rockyer road than we had, however, they made time to befriend us, even though they didnt have to. They made our worrysome stay go much better.
The other couple we spent a lot of time with is Heather and Kit. They got to go home a few weeks ago, so we didnt get their picure, however, they had the twins next to us. They, too befriended us and 'kept our heads in the game'.


To all of you at the Helen DeVos Childrens Center, many of whom we didnt mention, but still touched our lives greatly: You are the best organization in the world. The time that so many of you put into our lives while Melanie was there touched us so much. There are many nurses and doctors who helped Melanie that we didnt talk about, but you all matter to us. All that I can muster out to you is a 'Thank you for all of your help'. We'll never be able to repay what you've done for us. It was such a bitter sweet day today. Melanie coming home was great, but leaving all of you behind was very hard. Thank you again, for what you do.



And this, is our new scene :) As I type this, Miya and Jayden are cleaning up before bed, and Melanie is sitting in her new bed, wide awake, wondering why all the noise all of a sudden :) She's got an environment where she will continue to have to be tough.



Shes got some growing to do to fill out her crib yet :)




I leave you all tonite with again, a thank you. It seems all of yours and our prayers have been answered for Miss Melanie. Now that she is home, there will be more and more pictures posted. There are also some rules for Melanie that we will share tomorrow probably. Although she is home, she still doesnt get to go out for now, except for doctor appointments, which she will have plenty of. Melanie has fought a long hard battle, and now she is home. What a joyous day. We thank you all for you love, and support. And tonite, I ask one favor from all of you if I can. If you read this, can you please leave a comment if you have time, even if its a really short one. We love hearing from you all.

Psalm 30:11-12 11Thou hast turned for me my mourning into dancing: thou hast put off my sackcloth, and girded me with gladness;
12 To the end that my glory may sing praise to thee, and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give thanks unto thee for ever.



Thank you again...the Westras

Pure Joy!

No need for words right now! :)
(yes, those are Iowa Hawkeye socks!)

Tomorrow's THE day!!

The exciting news....... Melanie is coming home tomorrow, the Lord willing. All things are a go. All of her tests have come back with astounding reports. The Lord has been so gracious to Melanie and our family through this all. 10 1/2 weeks ago, I never imagined I would be taking home a perfect (as perfect as a baby can be :) )baby girl. I never imagined we'd be going home without oxygen tanks and monitors. I never imagined Melanie would be able to be a runner if she wanted to. And yet, here we are. Going home tomorrow with no monitors, no oxygen, no medications, and no more cords. We know there is only one reason for Melanie to be able to come home this way, it's nothing we did, or the nurses did, or the Dr.s did. It's because it is the plan that God has for Melanie's life. On October 31, He already knew Melanie would be leaving this hospital on January 14. I NEVER would have guessed that. There were times when I didn't even want to think about tomorrow; just wanted to hold (cup) Melanie for as long as I could not knowing what the tomorrow might bring. It was at those times that we had to have faith that God's plan was being carried out. And now, looking back at those times, I can see how He carried me through even though I may not have felt it then. I don't understand why Melanie gets to come home before some of her veteran roommates; or why she seems to be unscathed while others have many more ailments to deal with. All we know is that all things happen according to His plan and some day, we'll understand. I need to remember that on a daily, sometimes hourly, basis.

Yes, we are very excited for our baby girl to come home and start a new routine. Yes, there will be tears tonight and tomorrow. Tears of joy and some tears of sadness as we say 'goodbye' to the nurses and Dr.s and friends that took such good care of our little peanut and of us.
Before Melanie is able to come home she must pass the "car seat challenge". She has to sit in her car seat, completely buckled, for 90 miutes (longer if we lived further away). She passed!!! She also thought she had to be awake for most of it. She kept looking around and sucking on her hands. I'll keep trying to post the video of it. Sitting in her car seat she actually looks OLDER to me then Miya and Jayden did when we took them home from the hospital. Probably because she was so alert at the time.

Yes, it has been too long. I'm just going to do a really quick post today as we are very busy getting ready for little Melanie to come home. Yes, you read correctly! We have reason to believe that little Mel will be coming home at the end of this week or begining of next. She needs to drink 16, complete, bottles in a row. On Saturday night/Sunday she drank 12 in a row. She needed a little help with her 12am, 3am, and 6am feedings (I would too at those times of the night). So the counter started over. There are other qualifications she has to meet too. No alarms (brady's), and she has to pass the car seat challenge yet. Which means we have to get a carseat for her :) She no longer needs nasal cannual as she can breathe room air just like us, YEAH!! I think she hit the 5lb mark last night (I didn't get her offical weight from Jeff), if not, she will hit 5lb tonight!! She keeps growing and developing right before our eyes. If she were still in the womb, she would be 37weeks tomorrow. A baby is considered full term from 37-40weeks. It's so crazy to think that she shouldn't even be here yet. She should still be baking for another 3 weeks. And yet she has been a part of our family for 10 weeks. It feels like she's been a part of our family forever! Here are a couple of pictures from the weekend; Jeff's mom, dad, and sister were able to come out for a visit (through a very large snowstorm)!
Mom having some cuddle time with Melanie.
Dad holding Melanie.
Aunt Janelle holding Melanie with no tubes. No nasal cannula and no feeding tube (for a little while...it's back in again).

An updated update

A real quickie for tonite...

After looking back at a few pictures, I looked at the pictures from yesterdays post and decided that the picture with all her clothes on didnt do her growth much justice. So when I got to the hospital, I did Melanies care time at 9 which meant I got to change her clothes and weigh her. By the way, our little porker hit 4 pounds 13 ounces tonite :) Way to go Melanie!

So....

Melanie on day one I believe at 2 pounds 2 ounces.....


and Melanie at 4 pounds 13 ounces on day 68.(Im pretty sure thats what we're up to if I did the math right) Shes on the home stretch now though. Looking at her in her 'fish bowl' (Im not even joking. We put some water in that thing, and Cletus T. Goldfish (thats the name of Miyas pet goldfish) would have a party in there) I gotta think she isnt nearly as comfortable in there. If I could tell her how to earn her way out of that tank, I would, because I think she would listen.

The picture shows the beginning signs of baby chubbyness if my eyeballs serve me correctly.

A couple other notable notes....1) dont know if we told you or not, but Melanies eyes are both at stage 2 right now on the ROP scale. Nothing to be terrified about, however, if she hits stage 3, she will have laser surgery. They have progressed some from a couple weeks ago, but the doctors playing around with her oxygen might be able to bring it back to normal...not sure though. 2) Melaie drank out of a bottle 4 times during the day today. Finished 1 and drank over half of the other 3 I think. Its a very good sign that she has energy to do that. Remember, 16 feedings in a row buys her a one way ticket out of that joint to her long awaited home. Thats 2 days worth. 3) Grandpa and Grandma Westra, and Aunt Janelle are on there way out to visit. If my memory serves me correctly, the last time they were out, our blogging updates got a little bit stretched out. We'll do our best to keep it updated, but no promises :) No news is good news. 4) Marsha TB...I hope youre keeping up. This makes 4 you have to read now :) (Tell me Im behind on posting updates...I'll show you :) 5) Glenda...your comment yesterday was simple....yet totally profound and outstanding. Im in 100% agreement with it...IOWA ROCKS!!! (Its been fun being an Iowa fan during football season in Michigan this year...Sorry for your many losses this year Michigan and Michigan State :)

Hope youre all doing well. Thanks for the continued prayers!

A little comparison

One thing Ive learned through this whole process of having a daughter in the NICU is that a man must count his blessings every day, or life tends to lead down a spiral toward self pity. So, to make sure that doesnt happen, I decided tonight would be a great night to compare Melanies progress. I give you exhibit #1:

Premature baby...no cheeks, no fat...(not pictured: lack of a butt, otherwise known as the WLBS....Westra Lack of Butt Syndrome)


Baby on full feeding from a happy mommmy...cheeks, a bit of chub....(not pictured: butt) Also note: Im not talking about Nicki's butt

October 31, 2009 was a day the Westra family will never forget. There are moments in life, as seen as good or bad, that will forever be ingrained in our minds. I pray that no one has to see the sight of 'pre-Melanie' or go through the morning we went through the day she was born. However, with Gods blessing, we made it through one of the most worrisome times in our lives, and now wait for Gods will for her to come home. We originally thought 2 weeks, however, she is still requiring some oxygen, and her feedings arent going outstanding. Still, she finished her bottle in stride tonite for daddy (I havent seen her since Thursday night...made for a lot of good Melanie-daddy bonding time tonite). 4# 11 oz tonite. To say that I saw her at this size since October 31 would be a lie. October 31, I had questions about seeing my wife at home again with that blood river on the floor before Melanie was born. Then, seeing the smallest baby I'd ever seen in my life...all grey and, I guess for lack of any knowledge of a better way of saying it 'dead-looking'. If asked at that point if we'd be talking about this same child drinking her whole bottle, my reaction wouldnt have been all that impressive. The Lord has truly blessed us through this all.

Im asking myself, while Im typing this out, why this sounds a bit gloomy. I dont want it to come off this way. Im writing tonight, with every intention of listening to the encouragement of a few of you to write a book on this whole journey. (I have to admit, the 1st time I heard it...I laughed out loud) I guess Im warming up to the idea as time goes on. However, Im writing tonite so I dont forget something that happened today.

There was an unspoken silence in the NICU tonite. I got there, and there was laughter for a bit, until a nurse came up to us and asked that we keep the noise level down. There are many times I wished I hadnt asked questions in this life, and this was one of them. All it was, was a simple 3 lettered word...WHY?

To the outside world, most people had no idea, myself included. There was just a few hurting people. I hadnt met them, nor was I sure I'd ever seen them, but what the nurse said was "there is a grieving family". Their baby hadnt made it. This family wasnt going to have the BLESSING OF GOING TO THE HOSPITAL EVERY DAY! This family wasnt going to have the BLESSING OF HEARING A BABY CRY, SEEING A NURSE POKE THEIR BABY FOR BLOOD, the blessing of watching the monitors, the blessing of watching thier child fight for life! This family's child hadnt made it.

We get so caught up in what troubles life bring, when really, we should take that same snapshot and reframe it and realize how good we really have it. I'll take 100 years of going to a hospital to be at my childs bedside to not have to go through what this family is going through as I write this. If anyone catches me having moments of self pity, please...someone slap me.

Everyone has heroes in their lives. For me, my biggest hero is my dad seeing how he raised every one of his kids, and taught me what it means to sacrifice for family. Other heroes are my mom for her tender heartedness, my grandparents who raised my wonderful parents, an uncle who has been far more than 'an uncle', a wife (I still cant figure out how shes up and walking and chasing our kids...especially after that C section), and still many others.

The reason I bring up heroes, is because I found another one tonite. I have a few people at the hospital that I would call heroes, but this person, (who I am not going to name due to laws and regulations at the hospital, but she knows who she is) is one of the most amazing people Ive ever met. She serves so many families, so unselfishly every time she steps foot in that hospital. She goes over and above her call of duty, helping children in the hospital, and making these children's parents at ease with what is going on. Not only that, but this person also helps families who lost children. Although I have no idea what these families go through, I see this person do everything she can to help these families. I have no idea the words she speaks, the things she does for them, nor do I really want to know. I just see effort on her part expressed every time I see her, giving her all....in the service of...others. I have so much respect for her, as well as many other people in this hospital...all who will probably have to remain un named, doing what God called them to do....with some of the biggest serving hearts God ever created...

To the people here at the hospital...some who keep an eye on this on a frequent basis...A huge thank you for what you do for our family and many more families each and every day.

After proofreading this, again, I fear I might have gotten a bit too into it. I remind you, for some reason, this is my therapy...my journal for the day, I guess. I hope I dont offend anyone.

Have a great nite!

Fun Weekend

I know...it's been awhile since we posted. We had a fun weekend at Shipsee(??) for the Berens' family Christmas. There a couple of pictures below. There was WAAAAY too much eating involved however. Jeff and the girls came back with different parts of a cold. Jeff had a cough and sinus stuff, Jayden had a temperature, and Miya had a sore throat...we think. She woke up with a very raspy voice and I kept asking her if her throat hurt to which her answer was no. Well, after a while she quit talking. For those of you that know Miya, you know that is very out of character for her. This morning when she woke up, I asked her if she had an ouchie throat. Her answer "no, but sometimes my words are still at the hotel". Meaning sometimes she didn't have a voice. She always has funny stories for us.
Swimming with dad lasted a whole minute. The rest of the time the girls spent in the hot tub :)
Imagine that; a picture of someone eating from the weekend :)
Melanie did well while we were gone too. She currently weighs in at 4 pounds 10oz. She's gaining about an ounce a day. Her bottle feedings are SLOWLY improving, however slow that may seem, her nursing is improving at an even slower rate. But we know this is all in the Lord's hands and when it's time for her to come home, she will start to show more interest!
While playing house tonight with Miya we decided to dress up some babies in Melanie's clothes. They fit very well, hats and all!!

Happy New Year!!

Its been too long since dad has posted something. I figured, to start the new year off, it would be a good idea to start on the right page. I just put 2 very excited girls down for naps so we can go to the hotel this afternoon when they wake up. I might have to bend the rules on this deal due to some wispering that I hear upstairs. They might be able to go to the hotel after they lay down for a little while. We're going to Shiphewana (no idea how thats spelled) to spend a couple days with the Berens for Christmas. That is always a pretty good time. However, that means 2 days without seeing my baby girl.

Melanie continues to do well. The hospital has been a very busy place. Ive never seen so many new faces before. I know last night alone there was 8 babies born into the NICU. That makes things a little crazy. The days of being alone in our room in NIM are over. Thats ok though. We are tightly cramped in this room with 2 babies and a couple of very nice sets of parents. I just met one couple last night, and the other couple, we met at our Christmas meal at the hospital.

I was doing a little reflecting this morning on the way home from church. We had a really good sermon, and one thing that really struck me was Gods grace given to His people. Grace.....just so happens to be Melanies middle name....interesting. Gods grace is everywhere present in this hospital. The people that are there and gone in a few days we dont get to know, but there are many who we've come to know over the past couple months that portray Gods grace in them in abundance. So many people...a little bit different stories, but same topic....the love of their children. So many that could say, "why me, why did God put me here, how am I ever gonna be able to get through this...????". But they dont. Sure we've all thought it here already, but it doesnt get said. Its amazing how much God blesses us in trials such as this. So many people with loving and caring hearts, and they are all the same. The dads show up, some with baseball caps, some with tshirts, some with sweatshirts...there are Notre Dame fans, Michigan fans, State fans, Lions fans (I dont know why) Tigers fans, Packer fans, John Deere fans, the obvious Iowa fans...ok maybe there is only one of those :), and some who arent fans of sports at all. And then there are the moms...they show up, some dressed up pretty, some dressed comfortable, most who need to find the nursing station (I call it the milking parlor) every couple of hours carrying their little 80 ml bottles of breast milk like trophies. Some of the parents look a little worried, some look wore out and tired, but all of them can work out a smile and a 'hello, how is your baby?' after you get to know them for the 1st time. None of us ever thought we would be there when we found out we were expecting, but we all ended up there....litereally hundreds of us. And for the most part, there isnt a lot of complaining. Lots of tears, everyone being on thier own emotional roller coaster for one reason or another, but all with one purpose....to do everything they can to take home a healthy baby...or two...and sometimes three. Not all of these babies make it...and that...thats the hardest part. Our hearts go to them every time we see them. Some had multiple babies, and not all of them survived.

But one thing stares me in the face everytime I get to know someone. Each individual parent who is there, never thought they would make it through. Each parent wondered how in the world am I going to be able to do all of this extra stuff...the driving, being away from home for so long, and watching our little ones fight harder for thier lives, than we've fought for most things that are important in our lives. Watching thier monitors, watching them getting poked with IVs and blood draws, seeing all of thier wires and tubes going into thier noses and mouths. God's grace is the only thing that gives us strength. The only time we think we cant do it, is the same time that we think that we are in charge of everything. What an amazing God we serve.

I use this as kind of a joke every once in a while. It says in the Bible that God will never give us more than we can handle. Some times I think about that, and I think that myself and God arent communicating enough about my shoulder size. He thinks Im bigger than I am at times, but then, I realize that His grace has carried me this far. I think Heather posted a comment about the poem "Footprints" yesterday (If it was her...huh...thanks Heather, I will find you today :) Shes been through far more than we have in the NICU. That is an amazing poem. If you havent looked at it lately, please do. Everyone tells us we are doing so well through this whole situation, and I think the best answer to that is, there is only one set of footprints in our lives right now. God is carrying us the whole way.

So as we look to the new year, many of us are going to have trials...and great joys. And we need to react the same way through both of them. God is in charge and we need to praise Him for all he has given us. Our calling is to serve our great Creator in all things.

With that, I will leave you with a couple of pictures from Miss Melanie GRACE. She is growing, and getting new clothes all the time. Nurse Liza picked out the cutest hat last night for her...however, she gets to grow into it. Liza is great at picking out clothes, however she doesnt have a great handle on Melanies head size :) (LOVE YA LIZA!!) We laughed pretty hard last night after seeing her in this one. Its so cute though, so we kept it.



All is well here. Hope you all get to spend some extra time with family and friends over this holiday. Thank you again for all of your prayers. A couple more weeks and we might have pictures of Melanie in her big girl bed at home instead of this one!!!!!