A little comparison

One thing Ive learned through this whole process of having a daughter in the NICU is that a man must count his blessings every day, or life tends to lead down a spiral toward self pity. So, to make sure that doesnt happen, I decided tonight would be a great night to compare Melanies progress. I give you exhibit #1:

Premature baby...no cheeks, no fat...(not pictured: lack of a butt, otherwise known as the WLBS....Westra Lack of Butt Syndrome)


Baby on full feeding from a happy mommmy...cheeks, a bit of chub....(not pictured: butt) Also note: Im not talking about Nicki's butt

October 31, 2009 was a day the Westra family will never forget. There are moments in life, as seen as good or bad, that will forever be ingrained in our minds. I pray that no one has to see the sight of 'pre-Melanie' or go through the morning we went through the day she was born. However, with Gods blessing, we made it through one of the most worrisome times in our lives, and now wait for Gods will for her to come home. We originally thought 2 weeks, however, she is still requiring some oxygen, and her feedings arent going outstanding. Still, she finished her bottle in stride tonite for daddy (I havent seen her since Thursday night...made for a lot of good Melanie-daddy bonding time tonite). 4# 11 oz tonite. To say that I saw her at this size since October 31 would be a lie. October 31, I had questions about seeing my wife at home again with that blood river on the floor before Melanie was born. Then, seeing the smallest baby I'd ever seen in my life...all grey and, I guess for lack of any knowledge of a better way of saying it 'dead-looking'. If asked at that point if we'd be talking about this same child drinking her whole bottle, my reaction wouldnt have been all that impressive. The Lord has truly blessed us through this all.

Im asking myself, while Im typing this out, why this sounds a bit gloomy. I dont want it to come off this way. Im writing tonight, with every intention of listening to the encouragement of a few of you to write a book on this whole journey. (I have to admit, the 1st time I heard it...I laughed out loud) I guess Im warming up to the idea as time goes on. However, Im writing tonite so I dont forget something that happened today.

There was an unspoken silence in the NICU tonite. I got there, and there was laughter for a bit, until a nurse came up to us and asked that we keep the noise level down. There are many times I wished I hadnt asked questions in this life, and this was one of them. All it was, was a simple 3 lettered word...WHY?

To the outside world, most people had no idea, myself included. There was just a few hurting people. I hadnt met them, nor was I sure I'd ever seen them, but what the nurse said was "there is a grieving family". Their baby hadnt made it. This family wasnt going to have the BLESSING OF GOING TO THE HOSPITAL EVERY DAY! This family wasnt going to have the BLESSING OF HEARING A BABY CRY, SEEING A NURSE POKE THEIR BABY FOR BLOOD, the blessing of watching the monitors, the blessing of watching thier child fight for life! This family's child hadnt made it.

We get so caught up in what troubles life bring, when really, we should take that same snapshot and reframe it and realize how good we really have it. I'll take 100 years of going to a hospital to be at my childs bedside to not have to go through what this family is going through as I write this. If anyone catches me having moments of self pity, please...someone slap me.

Everyone has heroes in their lives. For me, my biggest hero is my dad seeing how he raised every one of his kids, and taught me what it means to sacrifice for family. Other heroes are my mom for her tender heartedness, my grandparents who raised my wonderful parents, an uncle who has been far more than 'an uncle', a wife (I still cant figure out how shes up and walking and chasing our kids...especially after that C section), and still many others.

The reason I bring up heroes, is because I found another one tonite. I have a few people at the hospital that I would call heroes, but this person, (who I am not going to name due to laws and regulations at the hospital, but she knows who she is) is one of the most amazing people Ive ever met. She serves so many families, so unselfishly every time she steps foot in that hospital. She goes over and above her call of duty, helping children in the hospital, and making these children's parents at ease with what is going on. Not only that, but this person also helps families who lost children. Although I have no idea what these families go through, I see this person do everything she can to help these families. I have no idea the words she speaks, the things she does for them, nor do I really want to know. I just see effort on her part expressed every time I see her, giving her all....in the service of...others. I have so much respect for her, as well as many other people in this hospital...all who will probably have to remain un named, doing what God called them to do....with some of the biggest serving hearts God ever created...

To the people here at the hospital...some who keep an eye on this on a frequent basis...A huge thank you for what you do for our family and many more families each and every day.

After proofreading this, again, I fear I might have gotten a bit too into it. I remind you, for some reason, this is my therapy...my journal for the day, I guess. I hope I dont offend anyone.

Have a great nite!