Sorry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MOMS 1ST KISS!!! 1st picture without machines on Melanies face !!!! Daddy with his baby girl


Its been a long time...Im SORRY!!! What a fabulous weekend. If my memory serves me correctly, I told you no news was good news if you didnt hear from us....however, I had no idea it would take this long....so, where to begin....Im sitting in Melanies nursery watching Nicki and Melanie do SKIN TO SKIN!!!!! If you remember our last post, Melanie was done with her surgery on Wednesday for her opened PDA, and now, she's back of CPAP. What an amazing kid. Fiesty little feller....She has been doing very well since surgery. On Thursday, she kinda hung around with not a lot of changes. Her chest xrays continued to look better, and we were thinking 4 to 6 days and she might be off her jet ventilator. On Friday, her CO2 numbers were looking good, and on saturday, the doctor came in and asked Nurse Anne (I know that name sounds new, you might remember her as the 'other nurse' :) I need to start specifying whats going on in this nursery....apparently Miss Melanie is Miss Popular, and all the nurses fight over her...Today, Jane and Anne have been having staredowns because they are in each others territory. (ok, it might have something to do with ther nurses really liking Melanies dad and mom as well :) KIDDING ) Anyway, back to saturday morning...all these nurses make posting a blog very complicated. Dr came in and asked Nurse Anne if she was feeling brave....in her moment of weekness, while she was doubting herself, I answered the doctor for her and said YES, Absolutely, shes feeling brave....ok, the answer to his question didnt quite go like that, but it was close... At that point, they took her off the jet ventilator and put her on CPAP. She is doing great with it...Nicki has been holding Melanie for about 3 hours, and still going....I might not get my holding time if things continue like they are. Some pictures to look for over the next few days was all the visitors we had this weekend. Josh and Glenda, Cambrie and Madison, Steve and Tonia, Marissa, Carter, and ???? (baby #8 of the family) and uncle Kyle all came over the Thanksgiving holiday. It was so nice having family over...yes, it was busy, but so worth it. I was sitting in church this morning looking down the pew at all those that came to visit, and thinking about the Uncle Brett, Aunt Janelle, Uncle Bruce, and Grandpa and Grandma Westra who werent here this time, and was amazed at how blest our family is. Ive talked to many about our family here at the hospital, and they are just impressed because we all get along so well... A couple adventures while they were out 1) The 3 dads, uncle Kyle and the 6 kids go bowling.....yup, quite the experience, but very fun...Im suprised there were no bowling balls dropped on 3 year olds toes....2) THE WHOLE CREW GOING TO OUTBACK STEAKHOUSE! Yup, you heard it right....13 people with the average age of around 12....and it went great as well. A bit loud at times, but hello, 1 5 yr old, 3 3yr olds, and 2 1.5 yrs olds....its supposed to get loud. :) We loved it! 3) And last but not least, swimming for the kids at the hotel. I dont know if there are any pictures of that coming, but I know they loved that too. So what to expect over the next while with Melanie....Grow Grow Grow...They are going to watch her eating, and in a couple weeks will be monitoring her eyes and digestion, and making sure her lungs continue to improve....if thats not right, there are going to be a couple nurses who are very curious about what Im writing...namely the baby shaker and the other nurse, so if anything is wrong...they'll tell me.... BY THE WAY! HERE IS A PICTURE OF HER IN HER 1ST ARTICLE OF CLOTHING, and for those whom Ive forgot to respond to about her size... 2#12oz and 15 inches long. Talk to you soon...Thank you for the continued prayers!!!!

Thanksgiving

I remember when we were younger, and dad and mom asked us what we were thankful for. I remember coming up with a couple things and running stuck. Its a bit of a different story on the evening before Thanksgiving :) What a great and glorious God we serve!

Just wanted to give you a bit more of an update. Melanie is doing great...to those who are coming from Iowa this week, if you read this before you get here, dont plan on seeing her move much....she's really drugged up. Morphine is her friend right now, and thats all she knows.

When she came out of surgery, she started out doing amazingly well. Now she's doing....we'll call it...good. She was on room air for quite a while, and they continued to lower her vent settings, nearly every hour. Her blood gasses were looking better than they ever have, and there was even a whisper of taking her off the jet ventilator tonite.....now, its a bit of a different story, which is fine. Had she went off the jet vent tonite, she may have set a new record. Our neighbor, Heather, said something very true tonite. She said that the kids typically start out really good coming out of surgery, and then tail off a bit, having somewhat of a honeymoon time just as they do right after they are born. Now, her blood gasses arent as good, and she had to go up on her ventilator again. Looking like she will be on the jet vent for a few days for sure, but thats ok and expected.

Tomorrow, Im hoping we can get you some pictures of her cut on her back...It to me was surprisingly big. We'll see how things go with family coming....Just know this, if nothing is posted tomorrow, please dont worry. No news is good new, but we'll try to post something anyway.

So please, spend some time with your families, eat a bunch, and be thankful for everything the Lord has provided for us all...God has truly been good to us. Looking back over the year, think of all the blessings God has given you, and see the power in the God we serve. All the way down to the molecules of air that we breath (which according to the drs and nurses, its about 21% oxygen if you were wondering)...I know Im gonna hear a story about some kid praying to God, thanking Him for 21% oxygen over the few days :) Thats the only reason I added that...

Love you all!!! Have a happy Thanksgiving!!!

We are soooo thankful for all of your prayers and support!!!

The Westras

Surgery is Done

We just finished talking to Dr. Hillman and Miss Melanie is a trooper! She made it through surgery with not complications. They collapsed her left lung for the surgery (as planned) and her right lung (the bad one) did just fine it's own. The used two clips/staples, which will take a picture of later, instead of one b/c the ductus was so large. Dr. Hillman also said he was able to see her left lung during the surgery and it looked good. A lot of times they see bruising on the lungs from the ventilator and he did not see that which is also good. The Lord is good. We are so thankful everything went well. We thank each and everyone of you for your countless prayers!! We are now going to head in and watch our little peanut!!

Surgery Tomorrow

So here is a quick update on little Melanie. After much deliberation, the Dr.s and the Surgeon have decided Melanie's week lung is strong enough for her to have the PDA litigation (we call it heart surgery). The surgery is scheduled for 9:30 tomorrow morning. As of yesterday the surgeon wasn't content with doing the surgery. This morning after many x-rays from different angles they have decided her week lung is ready and her heart is in need of being fixed. This poses a little unrest for mom (and dad too I'm sure). How can that much change in her lung from one day to the next??? Are they just wanting to get this over with or can she really handle it?? These are a few of the questions I have been struggling with today while holding Melanie's feet at her bedside. Taking the advice of Rev. VanOverLoop and the words of Psalm 46...be still and know that I'm God...I was still and listened (as much as can be done above constant beeps and buzzers). The conclusion...the Dr.s and surgeons have Melanie's health as their number one priority. They are not going to do a procedure that they feel she's not healthy enough for. They are going to take care of her as best as they can. They are the ones with the degrees and the experience and they know what she can and can't handle. I do not. I need to trust...trust in God. I need to have faith that whatever happens tomorrow is all in God's perfect plan for Melanie's life and her future. He is the One guiding the Dr.s decisions. He is the one that will be guiding the surgeon's hands tomorrow morning. He is the one that has already decided how tomorrow's surgery will go. I will trust in Him and Him alone! Easier said then done, yes, but our only comfort in times of trial.

Here are a couple pictures of Melanie chilling on her tummy.

Melanie enjoys keeping her hands by her face...especially hanging onto her feeding tube, which is a "no-no"!

A hint of reality...hitting home

Real quick, I forgot Melanies blankets that Nicki washed in my vehicle tonite...and I decided I better get them...dont want her having all the not so cute blankets the hospital provides. On my way out, I think God wanted me to realize that we are very blessed, and He is providing our little girl the strength that she needs to make it day by day...

I was very humbled on my way back in...What I saw, hit so close to home, I had to find an area to think, an area away from everyone (ok, so maybe I didnt want anyone seeing me crying, fine)...There was two events that I saw in my short walk, both of which took my breath away, and gave me a heart so greatful for what we have in our 2 really healthy, and 1 not quite as healthy children...1st, I saw a man, full grown, weeping on the shoulder of a total stranger....you see, what happened is, he lost a loved one....a person he truly cared about, and it was in Gods will for that person to leave this earth...and what I realized, is at any point, God could bring myself, or anyone else that I love to Him in any second. What a glorious day that is for His children, but there is much pain for those left...and it made me realize that our life here lasts only but a second in Gods eyes, yet we are given a lifetime, however long that lifetime may be, to make the most of it...in whatever way He calls us to do. Let us remember that, and not waste any days that He gives us. Many nights, I pray that God helps me to do all things that I do, to the best of my abilities, in His service, for His honor and glory, and not for mine...So often, I take the days that God gives me for granted...live and learn I guess, huh?

The second thing that struck me was a beautiful 3 year old boy in something very similar to a wheel chair, and his mom coming down the hall from the NICU. I stopped and said hi, and was taken away by the fact that this little boy, with whatever disability he had loving life, and wanting to come to the NICU on his birthday to tell the nurses and doctors that helped him for 4 months while he was here 'thank you'. At first, I felt a bit sorry for the boy, but then, I realized, this little boy didnt want that. What I saw in that boy was gratefulness, the same gratefulness that I feel for those who are helping our little girl Melanie...and we dont know how she will turn out yet. She might have special needs, she might not. But one thing I do know, is that I praise God everyday for the children he has given us, and pray that he continues to provide Miss Melanie strength to make it through each day, just as He does for her dad, mom, and other 2 sisters.

I was again reminded today to try to live a life of no regrets, in Gods service, doing things of priority and not urgency. God gives us opportunities to serve Him in so many ways, and we can sometimes knock these opportunities, hiding our talents that He has given us....

Again I leave you with....DONT BLINK!!!

Thanks for the help

A gigantic thankyou to all those who helped with our yard work!!! Without your help, I would have taken several days to get done what was done....So, here are a bunch of pictures with captions of all the people who helped...


Generation III Excavating....Kraig Meyer...apparently I need to go undercover to but something. I asked him for a quote of fixing the swimming pools in our driveway, and instead of giving me the quote, he did it....I owe you Kraig!



Again, Kraig Meyer...for those of you who were at our wedding, you might remember his name...Him and his wife Cindy MC'd our wedding.




Again, Kraig Meyer...Nicki shooting the play by play pictures



The piece of equipment that fixed our problems in our driveway...Thank you also Dad Berens for leveling the pile of rocks after Kraig dropped it off.



The guys and gal not pictured (yet) who did all the work around the house...Dan, Dan, Dan, Brian, Bill, Paul, and not pictured, Brittany...dont ask them what they did at our house please :) These people saw 1st hand the results of the hybrid mice that I discussed on Saturday



Brittany running the camera...apparently one picture wasnt enough... :) Ill try to get pictures of her shoes next time! :)



There's Brittany....by the way, she did construction work!

Emv and Mt Dew for breakfast!



Brittany doing.....ummmm...yeah....whatever it was...she did a fine job!



Dont hide from Jeff's cameral....I will find you Brittany!



Typical road construction workers....1 guy works, 3 watch....JUST KIDDING!



The tree limbs that came down...hopefully Kraig Meyer can get his payloader in for snow removal now...thanks for that too Kraig!



And last, but not least, nothing can ever get done at the Westra house without a hint of hillbilly going on...Im sure if we would have looked in Dan's car, we would have found duct tape too!!

Thank you all!!!

And, finally, I didnt take any pictures inside our house, but that has been truly amazing as well...our house has been cleaned by several people...That has helped out as well

YOU ARE ALL AWESOME!!! THANKS FOR ALL YOUR HELP!!!!

Busy day

I'll begin with an update on Melanie. She is doing great again today. Her oxygen settings are real low which is good. She has been running in between 25-35% most of the day. Shes keeping food down, and overall, looks very good again today. Shes off her Fentinal (sp??) which was her pain killer from her chest tube she had in. It appears she is getting back to normal having that off. Shes doing a lot of kicking and moving around. She reminds me a lot of the way Jayden sleeps. All sprawled out and not really cuddling. Nicki said she didnt want to be touched this morning which could have been from coming off the fentinal, but this afternoon when I got there, it didnt seem to bother her. She is digesting her food quite real well, so we'll just keep feeding her! She seems a little fuller than she has in the past which is good, although, Im kind of with Nicki...shes growing I think, and although she has to, Im not always a fan of kids growing up, especially when we dont get time to hold her anymore due to her jet ventilator.

My morning was a lot of fun. We had a crew come over to our house to help with some fall around the house work. I will be posting some of the pictues I took of this, but I cant tell you how helpful it was to have people come over and help get things tidied up before winter. They did a lot: cleaned the garage, cleaned the basement of our house that I hate so much, trimmed some tree limbs that needed to come down, put up a new mailbox post for the snow plows to break, took the screens out, put the kids toys in the barn so they can take them back out on Monday, moved our decrepid refrigerator that was in the garage that came in on the ark, put some facia cover on a couple of areas on our house, and got rid of a whole lot of mouse poop that was layin around in the garage...and maybe in some areas of our house. (So Im hoping that last comment doesnt detour people from coming to our house...know this: they are hybrid mice...the kind that look our dog in the eyes and laugh, the kind that attack mouse traps filled with peanut butter by doing a summersault back flip, ripping the peanut butter out of the trap with their teeth while they are airborn, leaving the poor traps stunned at their catlike speed and reflexes...and they forget to catch them)

These people were amazing. It only took 2 hours, and I am sooooo thankful they came and helped out. All this would have taken me days, but with the help of our tree trimmin, construction workin, broom pushin, basement cleanin, toy movin, mouse tird terrorizin people Ive ever seen! Thanks again for the help everyone.

I have a request as I type this tonite, and I want you to know that it is a bit embarrasing, knowing there are a lot of people reading this. I hope I dont offend my wife by writing this, but I want you to know that we are human, and humans need prayer. So, here goes...It seems that Melanie is improving like crazy, but the busyness and stressfulness of having an infant in the hospital is taking a bit of a toll on her mom and dad, and I'm largely, if not, exclusively, the problem. We've had a couple of scuffs over the last few days, and I havent been trying hard enough to fix these problems. Ive been a bit synical, and there is no room for that, so please pray for me to be the spiritual, loving, leading, head of our house as I know I need to be. Pray that my heart doesnt go cold at times, and pray that I do a better job of leading our family through this trial than I have over the last few days. Ive been trying to do it on my own, and we all know how well things work when we try to do things without Gods help. I publicly want to tell my wife that I am sorry for our scuffles, and I will continue to strive to be better. I love my wife, and Im so proud of how she has been handling this battle of feeling helpless while others take care of our children.

Im writing this for myself...I think probably because it is theraputic for me....Ephesians 5:25 says "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it".

Love needs to be more than a feeling...it needs to be a verb...a verb that requires action.

Time

I had to bring little Melanie some milk this morning...I seem to have forgotten to leave her enough yesterday. Not sure WHAT I was thinking, obviously I wasn't! While I was sitting bedside another baby was brought into our nursery. It caused me to think back to 3 weeks ago this morning. I tried to remember when I first saw Melanie for the first time, and I can't. I know I had to wait for what felt like FOREVER for my body temperature to come back up; I was wrapped in heated blankets and even put in a plastic bag (do not try this at home). But after that I don't remember....I don't remember if I was on my stretcher or in a wheel chair...I don't remember my first thoughts...I don't remember if I was anxious or amazed. I do remember seeing her in a bag to keep her warm (once again, do not try this at home). At times I wish I could go back and remember everything from those first hours; to record them somehow. I'm also thankful that those first hours are such a blurr. I was flipping back through some charts and saw some of her stats from the first couple days of life and they were not great!! I'm sure if I knew those stats then I would have been very scared. All of this shows me once again the Lord will not give us more than we can handle. There is a reason we cannot know the future, there is a reason we can't always remember the details of a trying time.

As for now, I'm trying to remember every detail and emotion of what's going on with Melanie. Time is going so fast...it won't be long and she'll be moving up to the next diaper size...to her first preemie outfit...to her first non-preemie outfit (okay that may be months away). I know this isn't the ideal situation, but I am so thankful for all we have learned and experienced thus far. It's only been three weeks...but it's been an amazing three weeks; the fastest three weeks of my life. What will the next three weeks hold? Only God knows, and He'll revel it to us in His perfect timing.

Eyes Open

Hello!

Dad here....trying my hardest to not fall asleep at this computer at the hospital due to a near belly rupture from the food I just ate. Just went on another date tonite...I think she likes me...It was a quick date, because we had to get to the hospital, but it was good. Nicki and I were trying to figure out when the last time was that we went out with just the two of us, no kids, no friends, no family (PLEASE NOTE: THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH DOING ANY OF THE ABOVE!!! SO IF YOU ARE FEMALE, STOP READING BETWEEN THE LINES! WE ENJOY THOSE AS WELL!!!! :) I think we decided it was around Nickis birthday....no big deal right??? except for those of you who know when Nickis birthday is....for the rest of you, I aint tellin!

So we went to the same place we did on our last date...the Olive Garden, thanks to a gift card we recieved, it was a relatively cheep date too :) Those are the best. Nicki has always had a special place in her heart for a real genuine tight wad. I didnt wooo her with money...so you all know what really did her in then, right???...yup, your right, my brains and good looks... HA!

Anyway, enough about us...I know you are far more interested in our children than you are my wife and I....the counter on the blog has proven that :) Its ok, Im not offended.
Melanie's chest xray continues to be the same...she is very comfortable...other than the hair balls she needs sucked out of her lungs every hour or 2...seriously, I have no idea what kind of mucus shes got goin on, but its rediculous what they pull out of that girl.
Like I said, very comfortable. This is a video from last night, more pictures to follow from today. Check again later tomorrow for those.


I dont remember if we said it before or not, but its looking like PDA surgery on Wednesday (heart valve). Other than that, youre pretty much up to speed...been fairly quiet around here the last couple days.

Hope you all have a great weekend! It might be one of the last ones we get before that white stuff starts blowing around (Im very scared to say the word, cuz in my book, its qualifies as potty mouth) Yup, hard to believe its nearly the end of Novemeber already...our little girl is 3 weeks old tomorrow, which is crazy! Yeah, its had its ups and downs, but these last 3 weeks have gone by amazingly fast!

DONT BLINK!!! MAKE EVERY MINUTE GOD GIVES YOU COUNT!!!

Talk to you tomorrow

A letter from one sister to another

At Mrs. Thurston's house on Monday Miya wrote a letter to Melanie. As you can tell, Miya said the words and colored, Mrs. Thurston did the writing (thank you Alyssa for taking the time to write this down). When I picked Miya up she "read" the letter to me almost exactly...she read it for Jeff and others almost exactly too. She must reherse this over and over again when she is supposed to be taking NAPS!! :)

In case it is hard to read I'll type out what it says....Melanie Grace Westra-I love you! I love you, I love you sweet tight, I will see you tomorrw. I will come here in a couple minutes, then I will read you some books later. I will see you on Thursday. I want to play with you with strollers and cars and trucks and tractors and wagons and corn and tires. I will bring you a highchair and bib and breakfast when you feel better. And flowers and leaves and trees. I love you! Big sister Miya You can see she likes her girly toys and boy toys too!!

On another note; Melanie is holding steady. Her "bleb" is not growing...Yeah!! She is up to 8ML every feeding and seems to be digesting well. I think she's growing...I'll try to get a picture tomorrow and post it. Thank you for the continued prayers!

Quick update

Dad here again....Im just getting ready to leave the hospital, but I wanted to give a quick update before some of the Iowa people go to bed. I just talked to Dr. DeJonge about a half hour ago. They did another Xray at 10 tonite and he showed it to me about 10:30 or so. The spot in her lung didnt grow from 5:00 tonite, which is great news! The spot to me looks about 1/4 of the size of the original one. Watching Melanie tonite was totally night and day difference from Monday. What this means is, yes the pneumatoseal is still there, but it isnt bothering her nearly like it did. Her oxygen settings have been around 30% all night, which is down considerably from Monday when she was anywhere from 50-85%. The plan is to let her rest and they are going to keep an eye on it. If things dont change, they might just let it take its course. Dr did say that a lot of times, these things go away on their own, however, Melanie's was so big previously, they had to do something about it. Right now, she is sleeping very peacefully. She had 1 Brady at care time at 9, and another one around 10:30 when I touched her...I think she was trying to show me her anger for allowing these people do these mean things to her :) So, touching was off limits for most of the night. Hopefully the next few days will be very quiet and the most exciting news we will have for you is that they turned the settings down on her ventilator....We would really enjoy a peaceful Sunday once :)

Hope everyone is doing well! We continue to get cards and gifts in the mail, and we know there are many, many prayers for our family. We feel very humbled and are grateful for everything you are all doing. If we watch the news, it would appear that our country seems to be messed up at times, but we know there are many people....some of whom even chosing to be anonymous, who have amazing hearts, making a huge difference in our lives, and we truly appreciate all of you!

Time to go home...we'll talk tomorrow!

Chest Tube Update

Melanie had a good day today for the most part. She sleeps all day due to sedation drugs she's getting while dealing with the chest tube. They took the chest tube out this morning and did another chest x-ray. It came back looking good, the "blurb" was hardly visible and her lung hadn't collapsed at all. The took another x-ray two hours later and all still looked good. Dr. Gelfand said her lungs look good, the spot didn't seem to damage any of her lobes or lung tissue. The 2:30 x-ray came back not as good. Dr. Gelfand showed it to me and right away I saw a dark spot looking me square in the nose!! It's not as big as before but it definitely grew in that 2 1/2 hours. The good thing about this is that the air was not escaping into her chest cavity, which means the hole from the chest tube had healed already. This was a very big concern among the Dr. staff. Isn't it amazing how God has created the body to work? The alarming part to me was the spot grew so much in a short time. They ordered another x-ray for 4:30. This one came back with no change so she was stable over that 2 hour period. Her next x-ray is scheduled for 10:00 tonight. Hopefully the results will be the same. If the spot continues to grow, they will do the chest tube into her lung again and leave it there for twoish days. This amount of time will hopefully allow for the hole in her lung to heal.

So, we will wait, pray, and see what the Lord has in store in for Miss Melanie over the next 12 hours.

You can see the "band-aid" on the side of her chest from the tube.

Pictures of the girls at the end of a long day...getting ready for bedtime.

A couple quick things to add

So, Im right along with Nicki on this deal about not knowing terms and who does what...but thankfully, we dont have to. However, that doesnt help you reading this to know whats up...(So ANNE!!! IF YOU ARE READING THIS AND CAN HELP CLARIFY ANYTHING THAT NICKI AND I GOOFED UP, PLEASE DO IN A COMMENT AT THE END) By the way, we love to have fun with our nurses...it is sooo refreshing to be able to laugh down here. But just for Anne's sake, I kind of owe her because I called her our 'other nurse'. I coulda used a little bit better terminology than that for the person who was here for my wife tonite, and has been so many more times in the past 2 1/2 weeks. So...I am going to say this about her: Anne has been, simply put....amazing...in the NICU for the Westra family. She tries, it seems, harder to make our lives simpler and help us understand more, even if it makes her job more difficult. We are truly thankful for her!

So back to Melanie: I wish I could download 2 Xrays to show you for a visual of what Im talking about. Melanie's pneumatoseal (sp??) had pretty much grown to a point that her right lung wasnt working. We could tell something has been up for the last couple of days, and this really proved it. It was truly amazing how large this thing had grown. REQUIRED: chest tube. So, if I understand correctly, chest tubes dont generally go into lungs, but rather into an area between the chest cavity and the lung. However, again, our girl wanting to show off, wanted to be different. She lays peacefully now, with a tube going completely into her lung. They had to do this to get rid of the air and infection out of this 'spot'. (from now on, Im going to refer this pneumatoseal as a spot, cuz I cant spell it right anyway) What they found was that she must have a hole in her lung (prior to the one I just told you about) that is filling this 'spot' with air. They are hoping that after suctioning out the mucus and air out, that this hole will close.

Your probably wondering whats gonna happen to the hole that this tube made that got put into her lung???? Yeah, Im just as anxious to see as you are. They plan on pulling the tube out tomorrow, and putting a more normal tube in. The placement of the more normal one would be in between the chest cavity and lung, instead of in the lung. This is supposed to allow the air that escapes from the lung into the chest cavity (coming from the chest tube that is in place now) will pressure itself out of Melanies body. However, there isnt a guarantee that this new hole will close. They hope it will, but its a pretty big hole in her lung. To size of this tube is probably just smaller than a drinking straw, just to give you an idea. It will probably take a while to close up, and there are other risks as well...but Im not going to concern you with them now because we are all OPTIMISTS....RIGHT???? Alright! stop worrying about it then...good grief...everything will be ok! :)

As far as her PDA...thats off again. This is like trying to get a posed picture of a 6 month old. "OK! shes ready....oh...crap....she fell over again...lets set her back up. OK! GO!...oh crap...she spit all over herself. OK! oh...awww...SOMEBODY FIND HER PIPE! SHE WONT STOP CRYING!!"

Wow, so, not sure where that analogy came from, but I guess if you read into it deep enough, it might fit....you know what I mean.

But as Nicki said before, everyone here is doing a fantastic job. Literally, all the doctors kept bouncing ideas off each other, weighing pros and cons of what each scinerio would accomplish, and I truly believe that God gave them the wisdom to do whats best for little Melanie. Praise be to Him!

Have a good night

Quick Update

Just a quick update for now. God is good. After reading comments from yesterday's post several ended with God is in control. We saw that AGAIN, today. Dr. Gelfand (Melanie's primary Dr.) is back today....yeah!! They ordered another chest x-ray to make decisions about her PDA surgery. Well it showed Melanie's pnewmatoseal (SP??) larger then yesterday's x-ray. So they called Dr. Hillman...a cardiothorasic surgeon (i'm terrible with titals...Anne and Jane help!!) His advice was to fix this "blurb" first, so she can have the PDA surgery. So today after many opinions, advice, and discussions it was decided to put a chest tube into this "blurb" to evacuate it. The procedure went very well. Dr. Gelfand did the procedure at Melanie's bedside with Dr. Hillman watching in case of a phisher?? which would require surgery. I was able to stay in the room. I sat behind some curtains praying and journaling. About the time I was wishing Jeff were there Dr. Jones walked in. He is a retired nenonatologist of 35 years. He just happened to come talk to me at the exact time of the procedure. The providence of God!! He talked me through the procedure and answered many other questions I had. Before I knew it, the procedure was done and I was able to hold her legs again!!

We are truly blessed with the staff here in the NICU! They are amazing. Sometimes a 40min drive feels like forever, but really, right in our backyard we have the best Dr.s, nurses, (and all the other people that make the NICU work). We are so thankful for that.

Melanie is resting peacefully right now. Her hands up by her face and she is sleeping away. Her stats are doing better and Anne continues to lower her oxygen level. We'll try to post more tonight.

Driving Volunteers

I want to thank all of our friends and family that have volunteered to drive me back and forth to the hospital. As of Saturday I have been cleared to drive (2 weeks post-surgery). Today was my first day driving and it went well. I am planning on driving myself from now on. If something changes or if I just need a companion to ride with I won't hesitate to give someone a call. I know there are many people willing and wanting to help. Thank you all! Jeff is tucking the girls in right now and then heading up to the hospital to tuck in his youngest. He is such a good daddy!~!~!~!!!

Hope...in helplessness

I take you back in history, to a date...that all who lived through it...will never forget. September 11, 2001 was a day that we almost all remember where we were when we heard the news...we remember the emotions...the questions....the lump in our throats that didnt go away....

I write you today, following a days work, as the father of baby Melanie with this same lump...only its even more personal. I remember the questions on that day "who are these people flying these planes?"..."what do they want from us?"..."where are they coming from?"..what did the people in these buildings do to deserve this?"..."why the U.S.?"..."what can I do to help, can I drive over there?"..."can I give these people something?"..."what would I do when I got there?"..."if I ever see one of these people involved with this...I dont know what I'd do, but it wouldnt be pretty"...."I FEEL SO HELPLESS!!"

And today, I fastforward you to November 16, 2009...I'll share you my thoughts to parallel whats going on with Melanie, but please read all the way to the bottom, Im not really complaining. "where is all this bacterial coming from thats giving her this pneomonia to add to her other problems, as if breathing wasnt hard enough for her?"..."why did she get this spot on her lung?"..."why was she born so early?"..."why doesnt her heart valve close?"..."what can I do to help her?"..."why, even when Im at her bedside do I feel so far away?"..."why Melanie, what did she do to deserve this?"..."how can I take her pain away?"..."why cant things just go back to normal?"..."why cant she just get better and we let her come home and fight with her sisters?"..."if I find whats doing this, its not gonna be pretty"..."I FEEL SO HELPLESS!!"

All these questions, and only one place to go for the answers. Yes, its true, Melanie is having a very rough day, and yes, its true that we feel just as helpless as all of you reading this who feel wayyyyy too far away, and yes, its true, our hope lies in only one place.

I take you back again to 9/11...where did we find hope on that day? Did our president's speech make us feel better? Dont know about you, but I saw helplessness in his eyes as well, and he didnt make me feel better.(Its Ok, Obama is changing and fixing everything...HA!!!...sorry) Did we feel better seeing those fighter jets flying around? Nope, we didnt even know where these people were coming from...Did we feel all better talking to family about it? In a way, but there wasnt complete peace following those conversations...Did we feel better when all the security was stepped up? Nope....Did those families who lost loved ones feel better the next day when it was all done....No.

And we dont feel complete peace by listening to doctors reports, and we cant make Melanie feel better by kissing her, and we cant say that she will get all better and firmly believe it, and we cant tell her that its ok, everything will be alright.....and dad cant tell her that he will take care of her, because he cant right now...

My only hope as a father, and our families only hope as a family, and your only hope as you read this, comes from one place....Thank you mom Westra, for telling me this today, even when I didnt want to hear it...but I do see it, even though it is tough at times...A great passage to continuosly learn from comes from the Heidelberg Catechism, question and answer #1

Question 1. What is thy only comfort in life and death?
Answer: That I with body and soul, both in life and death, am not my own, but belong unto my faithful Saviour Jesus Christ; who, with his precious blood, has fully satisfied for all my sins, and delivered me from all the power of the devil; and so preserves me that without the will of my heavenly Father, not a hair can fall from my head; yea, that all things must be subservient to my salvation, and therefore, by his Holy Spirit, He also assures me of eternal life, and makes me sincerely willing and ready, henceforth, to live unto him.

What a great comfort...

Thankfully, Im not in charge, and thankfully, baby Melanie is being held today, and everyday, not by her mom and dad, but by the only One who can truly protect and heal her...and thankfully, we have that peace.

As promised, here are some pictures of the beautiful baby girl that God has blessed us with. No CPAP, hair, good looking nose, the machines and monitors, the bed, her living space, all which serve a purpose...a purpose of glory to God...























Thank you again for all your prayers

Harder Day

So I learned a very valuable lesson today...always make sure my phone is on. Last night my phone shut off due to a dead battery and I forgot to turn it back on. This morning while getting ready for church, Jeff called to check on Melanie. Nurse Jane informed us that one of the Dr.s left a message for us on my cell phone...and that Melanie was being put on a Jet Ventilator!!! So, our plans for the day quickly changed. We brought the girls to my parents and headed up to the hospital. By the time we got there she was starting to settle down from being intubated (sp?). Jeff had a whole new set of machines, tubes, and numbers to learn about. The respiratory staff did a great job of explaining everything to us and answering our questions. Thank you Mark. So the question everyone may be asking is why? Right? Well, that was our struggle the whole way up to the hospital. Why did she have this set back? Well, it seems that the pneumatocells (SP???????) in her left lung were slightly larger and also causing more stress on her good lung. We do not want these to grow. They think they could be growing because of the pressure from the CPAP. So they put her on the jet vent which is much more gentler on her lungs. The problem with the this vent is that they have to intubate her which can have many side-effects. However, in this situation it was the best choice for her.

The good side...we get to see her precious little face again. We can see her dark, fine, hair. We can see her nose how it should be, not covered with a seal from the CPAP. We can see her eyes as they are supposed to be, not squished up and swollen from the seal on her nose. We can see her chin without a chin strap holding her mouth closed! We are able to see her as Melanie...the little Melanie God created her to be.

The bad side...she is back on a vent. Something we don't want her to be on. They said she will probably be going back and forth from this vent to the CPAP. This vent makes her breathe 360 times per minute. On the CPAP she was breathing an average of 60 times a minute. Jeff did some math, that's 20 breaths a second!! When you put your hand over her little chest (or legs, or hold her hand) you can feel her body vibrating. If you watch closely you can even see her little chest vibrating with your own eyes. For those detailed people reading this; Jeff will post later about how the air actually works (never thought I would say that Jeff would give the details). Another thing that wasn't as encouraging is the fact that these pneumatocells are more rare. They only see a couple cases of them a year (2 out of 2600ish preemies). Which means they don't have as much experience in treating them. It appears Melanie will help out with that situation a little.

Melanie's primary Dr. will back tomorrow (he's been at a conference this past week) and we are very anxious to hear his take on things. We are also wondering if he will decide to do the heart surgery now that she's on the jet vent.?? We'll have to wait on the Lord and see what the next couple of days will bring. For now, we are so thankful that we have a "feisty" little girl! We are thankful that she is not sicker then what she is....for there are many other far worse things she could be battling right now. We are thankful for the staff in the NICU, they are AMAZING!! We are thankful for the strength God has given Melanie to this point. She is a fighter! We are thankful for the emotional (and physical) strength God has given us to this point. We are thankful for the grace to make it through each day. We know it is only through the grace of God we have come to the close of this day and look onto tomorrow. And we are so very thankful for all of our friends and family that are helping us out in so many different ways. There is not a day that goes by without an act of kindness or an encouraging message, and we know there are countless prayers being said. You are amazing people and we thank God for all of the blessings he is giving us through you! Pictures tomorrow...promise!!

2 weeks ago....

Sorry for the lack of posts...there has been very little new here the last couple days. The coolest news we've had over the last day or two was the fact that shes pooping...and I already did a post on that.

So, 2 weeks ago our little girl showed up. Its pretty amazing how busy things have gotten, but really, its pretty amazing how we've adapted to this point. We know this is Gods plan for us for the next few months, and that is great. One thing Nicki and I talked about today was the fact that we were excited that we have this going on. This might sound sick, but one benefit that God has blessed us with is a child that gets to be a baby for 3 months longer than most other children that have been born...she just dont get to be as healthy.

Miya and daddy came to the hospital this morning again. We love the weekends the most. We are starting to get to know our nurses pretty well, and Miya is getting pretty comfortable with Nurse Jane, and Im pretty sure Nurse Anne as well. Miya did great today. We were here for 2 hours, and she really didnt complain. Dont get me wrong, all the nurses here are good...they have to be...but there are some that are great. And those are the nurses that go out of their way to not only be their best, but make the family that is here feel comfortable too.

There isnt a lot more going on...Nicki and I are pretty excited for the night. We have some people coming up from church tonite and we are going out to eat!!! I know that sounds pretty lame, but we havent had the time to go out with friends in a long while, so we are pretty excited.

We are truly blessed. Hopefully tomorrow Im going to have a bunch of pictures and Ill spend a little more time going through whats up...but, no news is good news.

Talk to you soon!

A Good Day!

Melanie had another good day today. Jeff was with her this morning and again right now. While I was with her this afternoon, she had to have a new pic-line put in because the one she had was not in far enough. They can't push it in further, they have to first put in a spacer to hold the place, pull out the catheter and then try to put in a new one in it's place. They thought it would take about an hour....well it took about 20min. They were able to accomplish their task the first time. Melanie did great. It took just a little bit to calm her back down after the procedure. If we could hear her cry I would have heard it today. You know when kids cry so hard they get the sniffles when their done...she had the sniffles when everything was done. I just wanted to hold her close and tell her everything would be okay. Instead I had to settle with holding her feet and hand and telling her through the top of her bed that everything would be okay. She is so strong already and not even two weeks old. Her breathing patterns today were a little different then they have been. She is taking more short, shallow breaths. One of the nurses told me today to quit watching the monitors. She said even though her breathing is different she is still maintaining her stats so there is nothing to be concerned with. She is doing just fine breathing the way she is. Other than that she has had a good day. I wasn't able to hold her this afternoon due to her procedure and my timing, but I know Jeff is holding her right now as I type this. He told me he was going to hold for an hour or two, maybe even three if he fell asleep :) I don't expect him before midnight. He is tired and he LOVES holding his baby girl on his chest. I'm pretty sure they will both be snoring logs over there in nursery 1. I'm going to go try to do the same!!
Here is a picture of her sleeping peacfully. She's on her right side (her favorite side) with one arm on her CPAP and the other sticking out. She has both of her bean-bags on for comfort (to make her feel like she's in the womb or being held tightly). She's just as snug as a bug in rug :)

WOW!!!

Dad here again.....gotta tell you, the place to be on the 2nd Wednesday of every month, is at Spectrum Hospital. All I can say, is WOW! Let me 'splane'.

So, I scored my 2nd date of the week already...how many guys are jealous of that?! 1st, I took my wife out for pizza, then, I paid for a massage for her :) What a guy your thinkin, right...yeah...thats what I thought, too. Looks really good from a 10,000 foot view, now, lets zoom into the details:

1)TOOK MY WIFE OUT FOR PIZZA : Alright, so looking at it a little closer, Nicki and I came to the hospital because there was a parent night pizza party. Volunteers from the March of Dimes bought us parents pizza, and gave us about a 45 minute talk on cleanliness and prevention of sickness in our premature babies. This was really good. They gave us a lot of things to think about, especially coming into the heart of flu season, and our children having terrible immune systems. So, dont beat me up on this, Im just telling you what the MEAN NURSES SAID!!! I REPEAT...THIS IS NOT JEFF AND NICKI'S RULE (well maybe it is because they told us we should) Im the messanger here, but especially since we are sharing a room with 7 other babies, we have to be really careful who comes in to visit Melanie. Due to all the people coming into the hospital right now, they are telling us that our visitors shouldnt come if they have a house full of sick people, or if they are getting over a cold, sniffles, or cough...so...just beware, if youre heading this way, make sure youre healthY, cuz the mean nurses are gonna be asking :) They really arent mean, but they tell us to say that so you dont make us the mean people :) Please dont take this as we cant have visitors...if you are healthy, come on out...we love visitors! We have probably 3 months here, so if anyone is kinda sick, maybe waiting a few days would be better.

Anyway, getting back to how much of a GREAT husband I was for tonites date...

2) I PAID FOR A MASSAGE....technically, I kinda paid for her massage...if it wasnt for me, she probably wouldnt have been at the hospital to get this massage. Digging a little deeper into the story, students studying massage therapy come to the hospital once a month to put hours into their practice. They get paid just as much for this as I get paid for being such an amazing golfer...nothing. Its a win, win for everyone...the students get their required hours, and we get 15 minutes in a chair getting a really good massage, and the cool part is, there were 5 chairs in the room, so Nicki and I could go together....a little note on this though, when I walked in, a guy came walking up to me, followed by a girl...he introduced himself, and he apparently had something in mind that I didnt. He thought he was gonna give me a massage....I quickly introduced him to my wife, and said hello to the girl walking behind him...(there is something in this Iowa farm boy that just dont do dudes rubbing my back)

Following this amazing massage, I walked up to Melanies bed, and had a little skin to skin time...about an hour and 15 minutes worth, and let me tell you something about this Iowa farm boy again...when his kids sleep on his chest, he sleeps too...and he sleeps hard....ok, I guess I was snoring...thats what the mean nurses told me :)

Melanie is doing great tonite...shes eating again, which seems to be going well.

Nicki and I are going home to bed!!! I think we'll be sleeping before 11!!! Its been a long time since we went to bed before 11...Talk to you tomorrow...

Have a great night!

Psalm 112:7

Yesterday Rev. VanOverloop stopped by for a visit. He was telling me that when we go through trials, we learn to trust in God even more. Without those trials, we would not trust in the Lord. That is so true. This morning while reading my bible wouldn't you know I came across a verse talking about that :) Psalm 112:7 He shall not be afraid of evil tidings: his heart is fixed, trusting in the Lord.

So glad I was able to read that verse this morning with the girls. I'll be repeating that verse often from now on!

No Surgery!!

Rejoice and make a joyful noise. Little Melanie does not need to have heart surgery at this time. Yeah!! The Dr.s discussed her situation and decided that since her PDA is not causing any problems and that her breathing is going so well (a little different than Sunday night) that they will let the PDA be. If she were to develop any symptoms from the PDA not closing they will then re-evaluate the surgery. A huge part of the surgery is that she would have to go back on the conventional vent (due to the anesthetics), which could make the empty space in her left lung even bigger. So the Lord has answered our prayers by giving her the strength for now to stay on her CPAP and continue to grow those lungs. Her breathing was very good today by the way. I was able to hold her for 3 1/2 hours...take that Jeff :) Her transition from and back to her isolet went very well. They want us to hold her as much as she'll allow for right now. Anne told me today that the best thing we can do for her at this point is to hold her and to continue pumping. I'll try to explain the skin to skin concept. By holding Melanie, my body will pick up what it is that her body needs at the moment. My body will then produce that and pass it along to her through my milk. AMAZING!!! Another miracle God has given to us that I never knew about. So from now on while I'm at the hospital I'll be holding our little baby...at least as long as God continues to grace her with good health. We have truly been blessed in this journey we are on. Everyday (most days) we can marvel at how well she really is doing. If all goes well through the night, I think the Dr.s will order her to start feedings again tomorrow. 2ml every 3 hours. Yeah!!! Time to get some fatty milk into this skinny little body. Milk that has been perfectly created especially for Melanie with what she needs right now!

Daddy and Miya date night

How many guys out there have ever scored a date on a Monday night???? Yeah, I got her wrapped around my finger...or maybe my conscience bothered me so bad from Sunday night that I had to try it again...you make the judgement call on that one.
Anyway, thanks to some great photography and filming from the Looyenga's, the daddy Miya date was a success.

Melanie now has her 1st baby. This baby says the "Now I lay me...down to sleep" prayer. Thank you for that gift....it was a daddy life saver!

Miya was soooo excited to give it to her. Also, we hung a picture of Miya and Jayden on Melanies bed so she could see her big sisters everytime she opened her eyes. Another wonderful day. We are so greatful for the blessings of children, and strive to never take them for granted. Melanie was great! Slept through most of Miyas loud talking and questioning, and she continues to look better. I even think her color was better after her blood transfusion today. (By the way Jane, no ventilator...Anne is gonna call me this afternoon to let us know if she has to have the surgery. Hopefully this will still be the case when you take care of her this weekend?!)

Hope you all enjoy the pictures and videos!



Not many things more precious than a 3 year old teaching a 2 pound baby how to say her prayers.

Again I must say this: Thank you all for your support, meals, gifts, cards, gas cards, toys, money, visits, and especially your prayers. You are all amazing people, and we love you all!

ENJOY!!!

So, I thought I better lighten the mood a little bit. I was starting to feel a bit guilty after the last post...so here you go!

Although yesterday was rough, it was a day Ill never forget as a dad. I brought my white shirt, just as I did with the other girls...The 1st picture with Miya was with a white shirt, so Ive been carrying on the tradition...and Nicki was kind enough to get the camera out and make this little home video. Ladies...dont drool over the chest hair :) The monitors that you hear on the video...thats normal...your thinking 'oh really??? doesnt sound very normal to me'
YEAH! THATS WHAT I THOUGHT! but those are the typical noises we hear all day from Melanie and her neighbor kids. It does generally get pretty noisy when kids play together, so I guess the principle applies here too.
I thought she looked small in the bed, but when she got put on my chest, it made her even smaller. I think we could have tucked her in my ink pen pocket it we wanted to. Shes got a ways to go, but shes coming along! I got a few picture ideas from some of you over the last couple days...hopefully, if she doesnt have to go on another ventilator, we can make some of those happen. Enjoy!!! By the way, nurse Jane, if you are reading this, turn up the volume on your computer and mute the playlist on the bottom before you watch...I want you to hear how I kept you from shaking baby Melanie...it would have been bad to have you doing that on video :) IM JUST KIDDING!!! THANKS FOR YOUR HELP JANE!!!

Learn from the Trials

Just sitting down for a quick lunch break at work, and I decided I wanted to write something after my real inspirational post I left last night...righhhhht...I was feeling a bit sorry for myself...which, if I think about it hard enough, there is no room for that. My little baby has it far worse than her parents do, and I need to be strong for our family.

The reason for this post came from a cd I was again listening to this morning called "Learn from the Trials" by Pastor Robert Dickie. He gave much insite on trials. What I realized quickly, is although our world seems to be crashing in at times, we arent the only people hurting and struggling in life. We all have trials, probably many of you reading this right now, that none of us know about. The current trial that the Westra's are having right now, is also a blessing in many ways. Its brought a community together, friends and family, trying to do all they can to help a struggling family. Its brought us much closer to God, and many times, He sends us all trials to realize that we aren't in charge, even though our minds think we are.

So the rest of this post is for all of you who are going through you own trials. Im not trying to preach at you (we all know Im definately not qualified to do that), I just want to give some perspective that helped me this morning. I think it might be theraputic for me as well to get this out :) (sorry, being selfish again :)

One point he makes comes from Psalm 30:5b "weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning." I wish this was a literal meaning and that when we wake up in the morning all our problems go away for the day and we get to start over, but it means a season. Some of our trials may last days, weeks, months, years, even a lifetime. We dont know how long little Melanie will go through this, but we know that joy cometh in the morning. Believers in Christ dont have sorrow forever. It lasts, only for a moment in God's eyes. We have that comfort that He will carry us through.

The Bible mentions many events by leading with the words "And it came to pass". What this means is that those events happenED. (to any pastors reading this, please correct me if Im wrong...im a bit concerned there is going to be a series of sermons in all your churches called 'correcting Jeffs remarks') Those events occurED. Just as our trials come to pass. They are here, and they leave after a season. God carries us through them.
Let this be our comfort.

Thank you again for all of your prayers. One thing I would like to add, since we are trying to use this to keep you posted on Melanie's progress :) Melanie might not be waking up in the middle of the night to be fed at our house, but I was paying the price of having a new baby around this morning. I loved it! I woke up wayyyyy early to go sit with her before work, and I really enjoyed it. She lay sleeping the whole time, but she was with it enough to grab dads hand when I got there. She was very peaceful, probably wore out from yesterdays events yet, but she looked good. To all parents: (by the way, Mark and Kristin Bleyenberg had their baby last night as well! CONGRATS!) I feel your pain losing sleep, but the eyes of children are soooo precious. We only have a brief time with them....lets make the moments count.

Ill put a post up tonite, and it wont be a sermon :)

Love you all

The Lord works in mysterious ways

Dad here again...I dont know quite what to say. To all who were in church that heard the rucus of myself and Miya, Im sorry. I hope we didnt distract to a point where you couldnt listen. Everything is ok...Nicki kind of explained everything on the last post, Im just gonna add a few things. PDA in the heart isnt closing. Tomorrow is the last day for ibuprophin to try to get that closed....looking like it aint workin. Probably heart surgery on Tuesday or Wednesday if no progress tomorrow. If that has to happen, she will for sure need to get on a ventilator again, probably a jet ventilator...which seems like a whole lot of steps backwards to me...but, its probably what has to be done. Melanies havin a hard time breathing with the CPAP, so she might might have to go to this ventilator anyway. I dont understand much more of it yet, hopefully tomorrow, when Im ready to listen, Ill start to get it.

Like I said..Im kinda speechless...This morning was the best morning Id ever had with her. Held her for just under 2 and a half hours, and then, go to church, and leave early cuz of this. I leave a screaming Miya at church who was sooo excited to give Melanie her 1st baby, and then I tell her she has to stay there and all she can do is cry and say is "I want to ride in your car daddy" "I want to go to hospital daddy" "I want to be by you daddy" "I have to give Melanie her baby daddy", and all I could do was run out of church weeping.....Truly the Lord works in mysterious ways.

One thing I got out of tonite at church was a verse that my grandma Hoksbergen told me about a couple days ago, and I couldnt remember it to tell you all, but we sang it tonite. Psalter 329 verse 4

"Affliction has been for my profit,
That I to Thy statutes might hold;
Thy law to my soul is more precious
Than thousands of silver and gold."

I will see this affliction as profit, and Im trying really hard to right now.

Prayer request to add to Nickis earlier...pray that bitterness stays away from me, pray that I try to keep the fight of faith while I watch my baby fight harder for life than most grown men have ever fought for anything. Pray for courage for me just as baby Melanie has courage, and pray again for Miya, Jayden, Nicki, and myself to be just as close of a family as we were before, if not, even closer...even through the jumping around and lack of scheduling we are going through.

Thanks

Love you all

Jeff

Prayer Requests

Okay, I'm sending out a quick post to ask for specific prayers tonight. I don't understand very much right now...just that she has developed a spot on one her lungs. She is having a hard time breathing right now and has been giving her mom quite the scares this evening. I was told to be prepared for her to be on a jet ventilator by morning. Her previous vent would make this worse. Big picture...she is okay, we will just be having a set back for awhile.

So I have three prayer requests. 1. To give the Drs and nurses the wisdom to know how to handle this situation and to guide their hands as they do it. 2. For God to wrap his arms around little Melanie and comfort her through this time. If it's in His will to help her begin to heal. 3. To be with Daddy in a special way tonight. He is at church and doesn't know yet what is going on. Pray that he may also feel God's comfort and strength as we are in the decent of another roller coaster hill. (You can add my name to that prayer too).

Please don't call or text Jeff about any of this tonight until after 9:15 when he will have safely arrived at the hospital. Thank you!

We are so thankful we were both able to hold her yesterday and today. What a blessing. We will be able to hold tight to that memory in the comming days. We do serve an Awesome God!!

Cuddle Time

What an amazing couple of hours!! I remember vividly, when they threw Miya on my chest immediately after I delivered her. I can honestly say I was a little grossed out and very overwhelmed. With Jayden, I knew what to expect a little more and enjoyed it a little more. After the took Melanie out, I was totally lost! I didn't know where to look or what to do or even what I should be feeling. I knew I couldn't hold her, but I thought I would at least be able to see her. All I saw were Jeff's red eyes and his unsureness of where to be; holding my puke bucket or watching over the doctors shoulders. I remember feeling guilty for wanting to hold her for just a second before the Dr.s whisked her away. I also remember just wanting to quit puking for awhile.

Well, today was a little different. I walked into the nursery this morning crying sad tears. Jane filled me in on Melanie's stats...all good and then said they were going to pull out one of her stomach lines which meant I would be able to hold her. Then came the tears of joy. So all day I kept watching the clock, waiting for 6:00 to roll around. Jeff and I ate supper in about 15 min tonight. It may have had something to do with the fact we didn't have to keep telling Miya to talk a little less and eat a little more :) When the time came I was anxious how Melanie would respond to me. Would she have a bunch of Brady's, would her stats go down? Would she not want me to hold her? Cast your cares to the Lord was the little voice inside my head. And then it went really fast, Jane was handing her to me and I could no longer wonder. Brady or not, she was in my arms and on my chest. It was the most amazing feeling. Holding something you have been so anxiously awaiting. Being able to show your love to that tiny little person. For just a couple seconds, I felt like everything was right; that I could fix her pain and suffering. I felt for the first time like Melanie's Mother. My heart goes out to all those Mothers out there that aren't able to hold their babies. Know you are in my prayers.

She was so precious. I had a hand under her bottom, but it really wasn't her bottom. It was her diaper!! I was cupping her diaper cause she has no butt. Not sure if it's a Westra trait or part of being a preemie :) She had some twitches and movements and it really felt like I was still pregnant and she was just kicking around in the womb. I'm so thankful that God has brought Melanie's health to a place we are able to hold her. I'm thankful God has given me the ability to feel touch. I'm thankful I could smell her stinky breath, and watch her stats be perfect for awhile, and to not hear a machine beep for just a little bit. To be in total contentment! I can't wait for daddy to hold her tomorrow!!

WHAT AN EXCITING DAY!

So im hoping a few of the nurses from our hospital are reading this today :) We've had a lot of fun in the NICU today. That should tell you a little bit about how Melanies day went. But first off, I have to tell you this for Jane, one of our favorite nurses, because she about flipped out when I said yesterday on the blog that the nurses shook Melanie when she had a Brady. So, just to clarify...thats what they really do :) They just call it stimulating...its all relative.

Anyway, now that I got the truth out of the way, let me tell you of Melanies progress. Im thinking, Ill get the tiny little bit of concern out of the way so I can kung fu you with the good.

Let me start with, the number of Bradys has dropped a lot. Last count, Jane had 10 I think. Thats good. A couple areas they are gonna be watching are her chest, which is seeming to stick out more and more, and they can describe why a little bit, but for me to explain...its nearly impossible. Ill see if I can get Anne or Jane to put something together for us to pass along so you understand. I think it comes down to, that this new CPAP machine...(WHICH, I KNOW YOURE LOOKING FOR PICTURES!!!!!!!! left the camera at home, sorry) is keeping a little bit of pressure on her chest and its making it expand. Its a little akward looking, but sounds like again...no big deal.

So, after week one, I get to tell you this: NICKI GOT TO HOLD MELANIE FOR NEARLY 2 HOURS!!!!!!!! She had a smile that was shining through her face mask.
Yeah, Im jealous, but I assure you, if I get my way tomorrow, my little baby is gonna last just a little bit longer on her dads chest :) They call this skin to skin. Its supposed to help the premies do....ummmm....ummmm...I dont remember at all, but I know their parents love it! Sorry, I got half way through my thought, and I totally dont remember why they do that...Guess thats a question again for either my much more intelligent wife, or the nurses tomorrow.

Thats all I got for now, have a great night, and a great Sunday tomorrow!